REVOKE MY LICENSE PLEASE!

Barbara Ward-Finneran
Never thought I'd joke about that after last year's fiasco of having my license suspended do to a clerical error with the hyphen in my name.  It was so NOT funny.  But I'm not talking about my drivers license.  I'd like to request that my "responsible adult" license be revoked?!  PLEASE!  For a few days, a day, a hour. In a way that is more effective then playing ostrich with your head in the sand.  Or running away to an evening of GNO with adult beverages and or desserts. Or having a date night in a child free zone.  Or spending a little time in some sort of fantasyland that you fancy.  All effective in their own ways - but none of those good times make "it" go away!  You get stolen moments of forgetting the world and it's realities.  Fleeting occasions to escape what overwhelms you, but cannot be ignored.  At least not for any real length of time with out things coming crashing down. As a responsible adult it is our job to prevent those crashes in all arenas of our life.  At all costs. At times even at your own expense.  


Yes, I am having one of those, "Make it Stop" evenings.  It'll pass... it always does.  I'm certain I'll be back to "Soul Food" and my "Miss Mary Sunshine" in no time at all...

However in the meantime, I'm going to say, ARGGGGGGG!  And, additionally give myself permission to have a cup of something cold and creamy from the freezer and drown my sorrows with some Hershey's syrup.  I call it "something" because I only keep the type of dairy desert in the house that doesn't constantly scream my name.  Only the decadence of certain name brands get the respect being ice creams that are worth the calories.  I will however compose enough control to not drive to Seven Eleven and purchase a pint to polish off in a single sitting.  Yes, I know it won't fix a damned thing.  I also know I'm having a moment and not an relapse of an emotional eating disaster.  I can allow myself a moment.  I can even allow myself a good cry if needed. I know it'll all be okay.  If not tomorrow, then soon.  As for tomorrow... I'll catch you then, after I go have my moment.  Since my license can't be revoked, and reality will be there in the morning, I'll settle for a fleeting moment.  After all, I'm positive, that they don't make "it" all go away - but they certainly give us time to regroup. Embrace whatever momentary escapes you can when you can! Whipped cream anyone???

YOU HAVE TO CHOOSE IT! EVERYDAY!

Barbara Ward-Finneran

What enables us to go from what we are today to who we want to be tomorrow?

All the options that exist in today's tech savvy and fast moving world along with all the decisions and choices open to us each moment don’t necessarily give you a sum of happiness and optimism at the end of the day.  How has the simplicity of that beautiful aspiration been lost along the way? Multitudes of options seemingly make life overwhelming, not easier.  Wouldn’t it seem like many choices would make life easier.  Rather the opposite is at times blindingly apparent.  With choice comes responsibility.  UGH!  Therein lies the problem.  Do you become trapped in not choosing rather then risk the wrong one?  

Although not easy to admit out loud, or in this case, write and read typed out, I’ve been making choices by default.  By spinning my wheels. YUCK!  I despise that - yet I have been lost in a cycle of it.  By not keeping your eyes on the prize and focusing on the outcomes you desire, you let life happen to you, instead of creating the life you crave and deserve.  I know better.  I do better.  So, WHY?  Why am I, why have I been floundering in a pool of potential?  

I’ve been putting in some time soul searching for that "AH-HA answer".  It’s not a black and white issue, so there isn’t a simple answer, but a spectrum of shades and tints to investigate.  Layers to peel away, acknowledge, and feel before you can escape the torture of life in the gray and once again look through those technicolor glasses.  I know I have those glasses!  Hell, I usually blind people when I put ‘em on. They have been just out of reach - like that lip gloss that you know is in the black hole of your purse.  Reach in feel around, pull stuff out, you know it’s 'freaking' in there.  Yet there is no getting your hands on it till later when you can get somewhere and do the “great purse dump” in a safe place with decent lighting.  

Seems my mind and heart have needed a “great purse dump”.  Yet like when looking for that lip gloss, sometimes you choose to forget about it, rather then finish the task of searching for it, or finding the time, energy, and place needed for the “dump”.  You use (choose the safety of) the chap stick that you have pulled out ten times instead or just go without.  

WICKED IS AS WICKED DOES

Barbara Ward-Finneran

I am a big believer in the idea that you have the power within you to create your own happiness.  Foster your own dreams and fashion a reality that is the sum of your combined goals and talents.  The life you dare to imagine dwells in your spirit and feeds your soul.  To change anything, to create anything that you imagine or desire takes one thing - YOU.

If you get lost in the doubts.  Let reason rule why it can't be done.  Listen to the nay-sayers. Abide in negativity. Or allow impossible to be in your vocabulary. You have already put the writing on your own wall.

You are meant to have an astounding life! To accomplish your own greatness.  To have love and happiness abound.  You have to believe it!  Desire it!  Want it!  Speak it into being with your thoughts words and deeds.  Challenges will surface and if you view them as tools to learn and grow rather then as just obstacles and endings - things seems to turn a corner sooner.