SHE SAID...FAMILY TIES

Dawn Boyle


 FAMILY n. pl. fam·i·lies

1.

a. A fundamental social group in society typically consisting of one or two parents and their children.

b. Two or more people who share goals and values, have long-term commitments to one another, and reside usually in the same dwelling place.

2. All the members of a household under one roof.

3. A group of persons sharing common ancestry.
4. Lineage, especially distinguished lineage.

5. A locally independent organized crime unit, as of the Cosa Nostra.

6.

a. A group of like things; a class.

b. A group of individuals derived from a common stock

I had the luxury of spending the weekend with my family. I have two brothers, they are married and they both have children. I have a mother and father that are still together. Everyone in my family is healthy. But the strangest part of my family is that we all get along. There has never been a major fight between any of us. We genuinely enjoy being around each other. We all dance and party like there is no tomorrow.

YOU ALWAYS HURT THE ONE YOU LOVE

Marion Pellicano Ambrose

I read a post on Facebook by a good friend. It read: “Why do people have to be so cruel?” She was talking about someone who was once a friend and colleague who has gone out of his way to say hurtful things simply to wound her. It made me wonder. What kind of person purposely says things to cause others pain? Then it came to me. Strangers don’t know enough about us to find our “weak” point, or something that would hurt. And even if they did happen upon a sensitive point, they’re strangers, so who cares? It’s only those who we have let get close to us in some way, those we care about, trust, and maybe even love, who can cause us this kind of pain.

So why so those we care about set out to injure us?  I believe that some people who tend to be cruel have it deeply seated in their nature. They’re mean hearted and just enjoy causing pain. Others are just manipulative and use insults and slurs to gain emotional control over another in order to get what they want. I also think some people hurt in exchange for what they feel was a hurt aimed at them.
Whatever the reason, it’s destructive and I’ve gleaned from personal experience that it’s something we must teach ourselves to put a stop to. In my learning process I tried to ignore the cruel remarks and inferences that were aimed at me by loved one. I reminded myself that the things he said weren’t true. I tried pointing that out, but realized that you can’t reason with an angry person while he’s angry. With my husband’s help and support I started to build a shield against the abuse I was receiving from this person. I hung up , walked away or deleted the message as soon as a negative comment was made. I regularly remind myself that others can only hurt me if I let them. I’ve chosen not to let them anymore. It also helps to remember the old song “You always hurt the one you love” so at least I know that this person loves me somewhere deep down!

There’s one sad truth in life I’ve found
While journeying east and west -
The only folks we really wound
Are those we love the best.
We flatter those we scarcely know,
We please the fleeting guest,
And deal full many a thoughtless blow
To those who love us best.

                                                                                          Ella Wheeler Wilcox


I hope the experience of working through this will make me a person who thinks before she speaks and will help me to refrain from saying anything that might cause pain to those I love. I hope it will inspire you to do the same.

DON'T YELL AT ME!!!

Marion Pellicano Ambrose

The following poem was written to show adults how a child feels when being yelled at - it can shake them to their core. As I read it, it occurred to me that at times, I feel the same way.  Sometimes, when another adult raises their voice or speaks in that tone of voice that I perceive as yelling, I get angry and come back with a snappy remark. But when someone I love uses that tone, it makes me want to crawl into myself and hide. I guess it’s because their opinion means so much and it hurts to have them disapprove of something I’ve done, even if it was unintentional.  Maybe it’s that inner child taking over, but I never could handle being yelled at.  I wish people would think about how they speak to other human beings. I can’t think of a single instance where yelling has ever solved any problem, repaired a relationship, or helped heal a hurt. In my experience it only adds tension, causes defensiveness, and sometimes causes irreparable damage to a relationship. It may make the yeller feel a bit of relief, but it never helps the yell-ee!

What do you think? Are you a yeller? If so, does it make you feel better? Do you ever think of what you’re doing to the person you’re yelling at?  

 Don't yell at me, don't yell at me! I hate it when you do.

it makes me feel so miserable I want to run from you.

I simply cannot stand it when you yell into my ear.

If I knew how to do it I'd completely disappear!

Don't yell at me, don't yell at me!

I'll crawl away and hide. I'll detonate to smithereens

or shrivel up inside.

Feel free to thumb your nose at me or wiggle all your toes at me,

or even ring a bell at me, but please, please, please. pleeeease.

DON'T YELL AT ME!

                                               -  Jack Prelutsky

TV LAND AWARDS

Marion Pellicano Ambrose

The 2011 TV Land Awards took place not in California, but for the first time in New York City. The show was aired last night and honored the casts of The Cosby Show, Welcome Back Kotter, The Facts of Life and Family Ties. Huge stars like John Trevolta, Michael J. Fox, and Meredith Baxter (who still looks great!) were on hand to celebrate. Regis Philbin was also present to accept the Legend Award. The Music Icon Award was given to Hall and Oates who performed some of their greatest hits.

As the many stars of these shows were reunited on stage, I thought back to the days when we all sat in front of our little TV’s to watch Vinnie Barberino and the sweat hogs learn life's lessons from Mr. Kotter. It made me wonder how many kids today will never know the pleasures we enjoyed in shows like I Love Lucy, The Honeymooners, The Dick Van Dyke show and so many more. There was no bloodshed, sex, serious crime, or tragic death on these shows, yet we couldn’t wait for the next episode.