EROTICA ANYONE?!?!

I wouldn't dream of stepping on Jillian's stilettos, but the term "mommy porn" in Tony's He Said, got my wheels turning too. I haven't read any of the Fifty Shades trilogy except for a few excerpts and was less than impressed with the writing. I never got to the kinky scenes which seem to be behind the books enormous popularity. I just don't understand why this is news and has brought about this term "mommy porn." Erotica has been around for a long time, anyone remember Anais Nin anymore? How about "the Story of O" or "Nine and a Half Weeks." It's not new. There's a long history of women reading and writing erotica. Some of us are really into it. This is a secret?

What about all those romance novels out there? The ones with the shirtless muscular men and women is various stages of undress. Those don't end with a chaste kiss like a Jane Austen novel. How many of us read "Forever" by Judy Blume? Let me rephrase that, how many us of just read that part of "Forever?" I don't think I even had kissed a boy when I read it. Yet I related to the longing, the fear of someone being more sexually experienced, and whether sex is a physical act or a romantic act. I wanted it to be both.

What makes erotica different from porn? Simple, there are characters. Maybe not always well-written or believable ones (Christian Grey, I'm looking at you), but actually characters with names and personalities. They have (gasp) feelings and ideas. There is a plot. Most porn is mainly directed at men. There is no plot, no character development. Many times the women are degraded, nameless fantasy f*ck dolls come to life. The woman is an object, there to service a man or men. There are no thoughts in her head and no one would care if there was. Sometimes it crosses over into violence. How would that be a turn on?

Sex can be kinky, it can push boundaries. Yet you have to feel safe within that situation. There is sex and there is romance which can include sex. Women, not just mommies, embrace their sexuality. Perhaps, these novels are letting them know they are not alone.

It's not news to me.
- The Good Girl

SHE SAID... "MOMMY PORN", SERIOUSLY???

Jillian B. Hart
HMMMMMM...... "Mommy Porn",  REALLY? Is that what you (and or "they") are calling it, Tony?  At least that's what I read in your latest "He Said". 
Let me think of what I want to say here... I'll be back...


Friday June 16, 2012
Alright --- Truth be told - Life got in the way, as usual my return took way longer then anticipated.  With a little luck it makes you miss me more...  


Where was I?!



"Mommy Porn", Seriously.  That emanates a bit like a backhanded compliment.  Kinda like MILF, it all depends on the way you say it and rarely coming across with the right je ne sais quoi.  (Although occasionally can make one blush in all the right ways and can be complimentary.) There is a difference between porn and erotica and that's the thing that guys often miss.  There's absolutely nothing wrong with the right dash of erotica.  However all too often the man in your life suffers from ADD...  bringing home "Another Disastrous DVD"! Come on now! There is a difference, a big difference (and yes size matters! ...Sorry could help myself!) between erotica and porn... any porn.  


I'm always up for an evening or any other time of day that has wild sparks that ignite to uncontrollable flames. Erotica builds that fire.  It creates connection.  I'll watch, listen, read --- Hell, I write my own and enjoy it.  Most of us hunger for that connection.  Therein lies the difference - the disconnect vs. the connection.  Not that there isn't positives to be found from a mind blowing f*ck... but for the long term - connections and emotions count.  Many women don't "connect" to porn. Yet erotica has emotion and connection.  That's what gets our engines racing. If you get your woman all revved up before the flag I guarantee that the final finish will be fabulous! Isn't that the point of watching and or reading something spicy together? To whet you appetite in the fantasy for the real thing. To bring fantasy into your reality! No matter how good a girl you are if you want fireworks  "in the bedroom", if you like your reality with a healthy serving of fantasyland on the side, ALWAYS pack at least a little NAUGHTY WITH YOUR NICE!  Sometime the more the better. Erotica of any kind can help take your "lady" there. If you do that - winners all around. The more you win, the more you want to play. 


I was really prepared to get into quite a bit if a rant here... (Oh, wait I did, a little one, LOL), until I got a message from one of my "besties", The Good Girl.  She took the words right out of my mouth.  So I'll stop now and let her go strutting in my stilettos.  


I'll catch ya on the next one, Tony baby! Ha! I'll give you a great big rant then... hehehehe ;)

SHE SAID... LOVE ALWAYS REMAINS

JILLIAN B. HART

"If two points are destined to touch the universe will always find a way to make the connection. Even when all hope seems lost certain ties cannot be broken. They define who we are and who we can become. Across space,  across time, across paths we cannot predict, it always finds a way......."

Can love be defined as an energy between two people? If energy can neither be created nor destroyed, does that then too mean that love can never be created or destroyed?  That love just is.  Always was.  Always will be. It’s there.  Destined to find us.  Once we love a person does every action in our lives touch on some chord that will vibrate in eternity in their heart? We can not deny how we feel.  We can attempt to bury it and ignore it.  Put it in a box and hide it away.  Yet, it never ceases to exist. Is that why when someone says they love you, it makes you really happy, but yet you don’t really “feel” it.  It was already there before the words were spoken. But, if someone takes that love away, or says they don’t love you anymore, you can feel every ounce of where it filled you up drain away.  Leaving you feeling empty.  Out of energy.  That energy is still there. It cannot be created nor destroyed.  It’s just not wrapped around you anymore.  It becomes a conscious intention as to how we move on from that kind of change in the energy in our little corner of the world.  Some may positively interact with it forever or act as if it never was.  There is no escape.  It’s part of your personal infinity.  Love never leaves you.  It’s energy just changes.  

The “Red Thread of Fate” which also has other varying names like “Red Thread of Destiny” refers to an East Asian belief or myth that the god’s tie a red string around those destined to meet.  Some believe that two are tied together with a knot and the others are just looped around to cause a more temporary connection.  Both ideas expressing that we are inextricably connected to certain people.  Perhaps even to all people like expressed in the idea of “six degrees of separation”.  Every interaction has an impact on the string or thread.  It gets tangled, stretched, beaten and battered but never breaks.  All kinds of shifts can take place but the path of the connected thread is a constant.  It inexorably weaves it’s way with you through life linking you and your common connections in the universe.  

According to Chinese legend, the god in charge of “The Red Thread” is believed to be Yuè Xià Lǎo, the old lunar matchmaker deity, (Ah, yes the moon! Another source of energy commonly symbolic to lovers - but that’s another blog.), who is also in charge of marriages.  Two people connected by the thread are then destined to be lovers.  Fated to be connected regardless of time, place or circumstances.  Regardless of a happy life or existence that goes on without daily interactions with the other.  The thread never breaks.  So similar to the Western concepts of soul mates or twin flames.  

Tony recently did a He Said, asking; “Do You Have a One that Got Away?”.  I believe many people do - even if they admit it or not.  

A person can have a good life.  Be happy with their mate, kids, family and still have a forever connection to another.  Not want to give up a thing that they have right now. Not want to risk the good and happy relationship that is their life, yet part of them yearns for that other person.  Perhaps, Facebook isn’t responsible for this resurfacing of emotions that seem so commonplace in our tech world as Tony wrote about in his post.  Apparently "the One That Got Away" has to do with love.  Love that can not be created or destroyed. It always was and always will be.  Perhaps, the “Red Thread of Fate” explains it.  It’s not a matter of “the One that Got Away” but rather, the fact is, if you choose to acknowledge it - YOU CAN NEVER GET AWAY.  LOVE ALWAYS REMAINS!

HE SAID... DO YOU HAVE A "ONE THAT GOT AWAY"?

TONY WALKER

This week's He Said asks a question.... how many of you have a "one who got away?"

I was talking to a dear friend.... she was telling me about a guy. She's known this guy was "the one" since 1986. But he got away. To this day they both say they still have feelings for each other & realize, despite happy lives, they missed the boat.

My friend said she misses him so much & sometimes has a hard time with it. Meanwhile he appears to be fine with it... or so she thinks.

I spoke to a buddy of mine, a guy, who told me a long long time ago about his "one who got away." This buddy agreed women appear to have a harder time with this kind of situation... again, they appear to have a harder time.... my buddy says the men have just as hard a time as the women, the men just hide it better. My buddy really opened up to me about how he longs for his soulmate, his "one that got away". He has a good life-a wife and kids-but he feels a connection, a love for his "one." He claims his "one" feels the same. They've felt this way since 1987 & still talk about it to this day!

I know a few other people who claim they're the victims of "the one who got away." They all have different reasons why "the one" got away.... fights, religious, financial, jobs, family, etc. Yet, years later, they still yearn for that person. Now with the power of Facebook, many of these "ones" are finding their way back. Problem is, most of the ones I know are married people having affairs.

This got me thinking.... are these people really missing "the one" or are they in love with a memory? A what might have been notion? Has life hit them & their spouse so hard that they think of an earlier time & associate someone from that earlier time which turns them into "the one?" But, then... take the two friends I am talking about... they've never stopped loving their "one" since the eighties!! So are there a ton of people out there who have let "the one" get away? Just like that movie "The Notebook."

If you have let that "one" get away, why don't you go get that person? Isn't your happiness more important than anything else?

Tell us what you think...
Are you in this kind of situation? Why don't you drop everything & start a life with "the one?"
Do you think Facebook is enhancing people's temptations?

WHAT DOES SHE REALLY MEAN



TRANSLATIONS PLEASE........

(1) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up. 



(2) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

(3) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine. 



(4) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!

(5) Loud Sigh: This is actually a not word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)

 

(6) That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake. 



HART'S DESIRE - AN APPETITE FOR LOVE (RATED M for MATURE)

DESSERT ANYONE???
On this day of love I dedicate this to the one who inspires my writings... 
Who inspires me...  XO

Jillian B. Hart

An adult dinner party to celebrate Valentines day seemed like a good idea at the time.  In retrospect, a party of eight had become quite the crowd. Robbing the early evening of an intimacy made for two.  Especially when her day dreams danced to dark hours of the evening and the sweet treats and hot thoughts that whet her appetite, causing her libido to soar.  She couldn't stand it any longer.

She smiled and winked at him tantalizingly - bending over the table and leaning in towards him enough to provoke attention to the soft mounds of flesh spilling from her clingy v-neck. Grinning to herself knowing the red lace of her push up was certainly playing peek-a-boo from his view.

She twisted her eyes to point seductively down the hallway before turning on her heel and clicking stiletto spikes across the hard wood floor. The noise of festivities fading behind her as she fancied her way to the master bathroom. She went in but left the door unlocked. Ran her fingers through her hair tucking some behind her ears and licking her lips to a shine - as she heard the sound of the knob twist and a second later he was in and had locked the door behind him. She turned away from the mirror to face him and before she could inch towards him, he instantaneously lifted her onto the counter and pressed his mouth to hers. Her heart skipped and then raced.  She returned his kiss with equal intensity and want, parting her full painted lips to invite their tongues to tango soft and deep circles together.  Their bodies gravitating like magnets to one another. As he pushed in closer her short skirt rode up her thighs and she wrapped her legs around his waist. Pulling him close enough to feel his hardness pressing against her.  Her pulse rocketed, her hands making fists in his hair as moist heat flooded at the apex of her widely parted legs. His hands roaming her body, petting her bosom and taunting her now firm, hard nipples that begged for attention. She scrambles at his buttons and his shirt fell to the floor.

She pulled at his pants and yanked down the fly. Grabbing him and eagerly inviting him out. He reached under her skirt and was delighted to discover that there were no panties underneath. He lifted her up and parted her swollen flesh with teasing strokes of his manhood. A breathless moan escaped her mouth - the sound dripping with erotic desire, as her arms tightened around him. His hands holding her by the round cheeks of her ass, he hitched her up higher and pressed in, submerging himself, to become fully surrounded by her hot wetness. She gasped with pleasure as he slid deep inside of her. Her legs and arms around his body holding her aloft as she rocked up and down his pulsing rod. She writhed on top of him as he thrust in and out of her. Her moans growing louder as he plunged deeper and deeper. Orgasm pulling at him as her juices were dripped like warm rivers on his thighs and she tighten around him. Harder and faster. His moans now in rhythmic tempo with hers. He purposefully nudged her back against the wall forcing her legs to split further apart, lifting them higher, wanting more. Harder and faster with each stroke. Deeper and more intense he pumped her hard up against the cold tile wall. Her groans mixed with cries of pleading desire. Scorching liquid streamed from her. Her hands tight on his back and her nails slightly dug into him as she felt herself about to slip into erotic rapture. Keenly aware of her mounting climax he hammered into her unrelentingly determined to have her finish all over his throbbing shaft. A raspy voice in his ear, "Come with me!", as she banged her hips against him and a cry of complete ecstasy evaded her lips. Her orgasm ripped through her like a flash of electric current through her veins. She threw her head back and helplessly trembled with pleasure. Her climaxing muscles tightening around him and with one more hard thrust he came into her. Both of them panting for air as she rocked on him to milk every drop, milk every second of this titillating moment, before her body melted onto his and they sank slowly down onto the cool ceramic floor.

He watched her chest rise and fall as they both caught their breath. Their eyes met and they held the glance for a long moment. She once again winked at him as a grin stretched across her face and accented her flushed cheeks.

"We should get back to "dinner" before our guests miss us", he said.

She grabbed his shoulders and pulled his face closer to her, pressing against him with one last long, lingering kiss. Her eyes sparkling as she looked directly into his...

"But, you must promise me seconds later... And be certain to save room for dessert"!

A sexy giggle as she added, "You know how I LOVE DESSERT!"..........

HE SAID...WOMEN SHOULD UNDERSTAND THEIR MAN!!

Tony Walker
Women say the don't understand men. They think we're inconsiderate, shallow and impossible to figure out. Finally, here is a woman's guide to men and how to deal with the man you love.

When he pulls away, give him sex.

When you see him start crying, give him sex & don't say a word.

When you see him walking, sneak up & be naked when doing it.

When he's scared, give him sex.

When he steals your favorite hoodie, find another woman for him to have sex with.

When he says he loves you, give him sex.

When he grabs at your hand, grab at his penis.

If he tells you a secret, it will most likely be something sexual. So give him sex.

When he looks into your eyes, grab his ass.

When he's angry, stroke him. Don't stop until he's calm.

When he says he’s Ok or that nothing’s wrong, don’t believe it. Just give him sex. Whatever is wrong is now forgotten.

Call him at 12am on his birthday to have phone sex.

Treat him like he’s all that matters to you. Give him sex in all rooms in the house.

Make a movie with him, even if you think it’s stupid, and get in every sexual position you possibly can. This will make a great movie.

Talk about other girls around you, and ALWAYS tell him how “hot” a girl passing by is. Consider asking that girl to come home with you two.

Kiss her in the pouring rain. Kiss her in a falling snow. Kiss her in the middle of a crowd. I will give him sex right now said Sam I Am.

When he runs to you crying, ask him "Wanna go to a strip club?"

Even if you’ve been together for 25 years,  scoot next to him in the car or on the couch & proceed with the oral sex.

Gently play with his (insert any body part here).

When he’s sick, with a sore red nose, his hair is a tangled mess and he’s in flannel pj’s and fuzzy slippers, tell him to take it all off... the "nurse" is in the house to make him feel all better.

Don’t let a day go by without letting him know you love him. Why? Because you're horny for him.

Men are the most simplest of all God’s creatures. No matter how confident, beautiful, talented and intelligent one may be, he just wants sex. If he denies this, he’s lying!

Notice that EVERYTHING on this list is really this simple. Just think how happier men would be if you ladies gave them sex at least once a day. You'll get so much accomplished!!! So get naked ladies right away!!!

JILLIAN B HART... ARE YOU HUNGRY?

“The greatest boundaries that we face in our lives are very often the ones 

we ourselves create in our minds."  —  Ellyn Spragins

Can right and wrong get mixed up?  Is there a time and place to blur the lines? Cross the line? Is life always as simple as black and white --- when you see endless shades of gray?


Is there a dream or a fantasy that you hide in your heart, that if opportunity presented itself you would act on it? Doesn't everyone have one or more of those tucked away somewhere?  (Are you fooling yourself if you are shaking your head no as you read this post.)  That secret - never shared, like some taboo topic that is avoided at all costs.  An honesty perhaps not even obvious or admitted to yourself. 


Honesty, integrity and self esteem weigh heavily on the success of many relationships.  But, relationships change.  People change. Passion fades.  Distance grows.  Sex can be an action without an emotional reaction. Lovers can become more like housemates.  Life is not static.  Yet so often the most important relationship in your life is.  It stops growing.  You stop dreaming. Would acting on a fantasy help or harbor the union? Does a happier "you", make for a better "we"? Do the rules change if there is an act of promiscuous nature involved? If it stays in your head and heart is it okay, is there no harm done? A one night stand can be written off and forgiven whereas something with a history or connection means game over. Is an emotional attachment a means to justify or make matters worse? What if no one ever knew? Acting on a fantasy could feed and fuel your libido, whereas the opposite may forever starve your soul.  Can carnal desires or something unfinished ever completely be snuffed out? Is sex ever really just sex? 

SO THERE WE WERE...

DRL is pleased to introduce...

Bridgette

So there we were, sitting 3 inches away from each other on a loveseat, glaring at a pair of eyes sitting in front of us both.  “Why were we here?  Why did I agree do try?”  Let me tell you it saved our marriage.  After only a few sessions with our Sex Therapist, did we start to even look into each other’s eyes and realize that we were on the right track.  We knew we were heading down 10 miles of bad road, till we actually were honest with each other.  After 10 years of marriage and three kids, all under the age of 9, we finally said, “Let’s give it a swing”.  I, who will call myself, Bridgette, didn’t enjoy sex, didn’t want to even bother.  It grew into a chore for me.  He, we’ll call him Eric, had a strong libido and needed to be satisfied and needed to feel connected.  Needless to say, with the lack of libido in me it drove us apart.  It wasn’t that I didn’t love him, because I did very much.  In my mind, everything was just, OK.  I could do without and satisfy myself if I needed to.  It was our Therapist who made me answer some really difficult questions.  Questions like, “What do you love about your husband?, What do you not like? What turns you on?  Do you let him watch you masturbate?  Sometimes I was at a loss for words.  Other times I was like an open book, and it got much easier as the sessions passed us by.  You’re probably asking……when did things change?  She gave us some suggestions to spice up what we were trying to fix.  They all seemed to be very vanilla, which was fine, so we gave it a try.  In other words, Homework!  “Tonight, you just look into your spouse’s eyes and tell each other what you love about them”.  “Just make-out, but no penetration”.  “Hold hands when you are walking together”.  Be each other’s boyfriend and girlfriend”

SHE SAID... He asked, I'm answering.

Jillian B Hart

In this morning's He Said, Tony asked many questions.  Although the points to ponder were specific to the effects of an illness on a marriage...  There is a variable there that questions what if the marriage was already unhealthy.  What if somewhere along the line you have figured out that the relationship is impaired.  Is a "sick" marriage different then a sick spouse?

I honestly believe that most people go into marriage with the full intent of keeping the vows they share until death do they part.  Reality begs to differ that there is a real understanding in what that means. Do you really “get” what that means, long term, forever, on that day you make those promises?  I think we believe that we do. I believe we do with all that we are able to comprehend and articulate it to mean at that time.  

“For better and for worse, in sickness and in health...” takes on new meaning with every passing year in a meaningful and committed relationship.  Life can be stressful under good circumstances.  Throw in major life issues and your world tips off it’s axis.  Fact is, some people definitely have a better ability to hang on.  Is it character, commitment, choice?  Does it matter?  

Before marriage we invest time in dating and relationships to find Mr. or Miss “Right”.  We contemplate and question is this right?  Those of us who married, somewhere along the line made the decision that it was right. Thus moving forward to the big day and the beginning of happily ever after.  You make that decision with all the knowledge and love that you have at that time, fully intent on it being “right” forever.

Life throws you curve balls.  Sometime you duck and sometimes you catch it square in the face.  In both cases there is a rush of adrenaline, yet one is way more painful then the other.  When you duck, you can almost get on with the game as if nothing even happened.  When it knocks you right between the eyes you are forced to see and feel what really happened.  What really is. Looking at a situation with real eyes, being honest with yourself as to what your marriage has become, is like having the sense knocked into you - it’s painful beyond words.  It forces you to stop being numb and going through the motions.  Often once you open your eyes like that there is no going back.  It does not mean that you may change your choices.  It doesn’t mean that a marriage has to end.  But it may mean that for one or both of the partners it’s never the same.  

People change. Grow.  Stagnate. Get sick. Lose jobs.  Get fat. Get skinny. Lose themselves.  Find themselves.  People choose.  They choose to stay or go.  It can be character, it can be responsibility, it can be because despite it all, there is love, (maybe not the love you always imagined or the one you long to have fill you up - but a love just the same! One to be valued and respected.), but it can also be necessary to consider an ending.

Early on the question is, “How do I know it’s right?”

Later on, for all kinds of reasons, sometimes the question that begs for an answer is, “How do you know when it’s NOT right?”

And, if it isn’t, based on those “vows”, based on being true to yourself ,as well as true to the one you are with, what do you chose?  Either way.  There are no winners in the game.  When it comes to love, hearts break. They may not break even, but, broken, is broken.  I believe sometimes keeping vows can also mean “being broken”.  Maybe not in everything and in every way.  But, broken, is broken. Is that right?!