HE SAID.... SHE SAID... - YOU'RE BOTH WRONG - YOU'RE BOTH RIGHT

DRL Is Delighted to Welcome Back...

MICHAEL RUBIN

I think the case with this father is a bit different. I think there are a lot of selfish parents--mothers and fathers alike--I've seen mothers with no "motherly instincts."

Long before I met my wife, my friend Mikey said something to me that both grossed me out but I understood clearly once I was married and had a child of my own: "I would eat the puke out of my kids' mouths if it would help them."

Back to this story of abandonment...this father was around 49 when the kid was born. It sounds like the relationship that bore this kid was never on solid footing-if the kid was even wanted. Further that a father wins sole custody with visitation 10 years ago-that is rare unless the mother is unstable or has a drug problem. That she visited only once or twice-again-that is not a "normal" mother.

This guy lost it all-the job, the house and it sounds like his marbles. I am no shrink but this guy is depressed-clearly. He may also have some physical issues as well-we know he has monetary issues.

Unfortunately this guy gave up. It sounds like he has no real ties to friends or family and felt he couldn't keep the kid any safer than giving him to the neighbors-hoping they would take him in as their own-which, not surprisingly, they didn't.

I know that if G-d forbid, something happened to either or both my wife an myself there would be a line of friends and family to take our boy in. This guy had no life-lines left.

I witnessed the opposite of this story in the passing of Robin & Josh Berry in Houston in a tragic car accident. Their three children were in the car. Their youngest girl just had broken limbs. Their 2 sons are paralyzed from the waist down. They face years of rehabilitation and support. In the meantime a whole city, and indeed a whole world, led by Kim Kardashian (of all people) and Justin Bieber, have pitched in to get donations so that the tens of millions of dollars that will be required for their lifetime care will be there.

Their father, in his dying 30 minutes, told the Texas State Trooper to give his kids to his brother and sister-in-law to care for-a painful dying wish. His brother has 3 kids of their own but everyone is pitching in. The village will raise this child.

I will write more about the Berry Kids in another post.

However this guy had no village, no family, no one left.

We look at this as shocking, disgusting and so on--but the fact is this was a white guy in suburbia living the so-called American dream. That is why we act with shock and disgust. It also is a story heard often during the Great Depression of the 1930's. Perhaps we better watch these stories more closely.

The reality is this is happening and has been happening in poor communities of "renters" in urban populations for years. Maybe it's not the father but the mother abandoning the child for crack in the 80's or later for other issues in the 90's, 00's and on. We don't see it because it's not "newsworthy" just "common."

Maybe this is a wake-up call for all of us. Maybe Hillary Clinton was right (gasp-did I just agree with Hillary?) when she quoted the old African proverb: It takes a village to raise a child...

HE SAID....

Tony Walker
My guess is that most people who have heard the story about the man who left his 11 year boy would be outraged and would want to hang the father by his short hairs.

I completely understand that feeling.

My father split on me when my mother was pregnant with me. I met him one time when I was 5, and when I was 10 my father was killed in a motorcycle accident.

So when I hear about father's not being there for their children I do get mad.

But this story hit me differently.

In the world we currently live in where the economy is crap, there are no jobs, and people are losing their homes, people feel beaten. Some don't know what to do. Some get desperate. I'm sure most of you have been affected by this economy one way or another like I have. 

Some of you also know the emotional pain of dealing with something like an illness. Emotionally you are drained and desperate.

I'll admit that during my lowest times with cancer I tried telling my family to get lost. You feel guilty for putting your family through such a horrible ordeal.

This story is somewhat new and we don't know all the details.... but so far it looks to me like just a guy whose life is at a real bad place and he feels his son would be better off without him. 

I am by no means justifying this guy leaving his boy. I've learned from my ups and downs that no matter what happens, your family wants to stay with you. No one replaces your family. 

But I feel sad for this man. He's lost and doesn't know where to turn. My hope is that the authorities find him, he does his time for what he did, then ends up back on his feet where he can restore his relationship with his son. How great would it be 5, 10, 20 years from now to be writing on The Lounge-"Remember that story about the man who left his boy? Well guess who rebuilt his life and regained custody of the boy?"

If you haven't heard the story, here is the link to read for yourself...let me know how you feel.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/08/26/minnesota-dad-steven-cros_n_938686.html?icid=maing-grid10%7Chtmlws-main-bb%7Cdl4%7Csec1_lnk3%7C89966

Editors Note: DRL's Dawn Boyle has responded to Tony.  Be sure to click here to read her She Said.