Monday, December 31, 2012

NEW YEAR WITH THE GOOD GIRL

At the brink of another New Year there's the reoccurring theme from many of my friends that it's a big deal. I hear their resolutions and promises that they swear they'll keep. Their insistence that this year, it will be different. They are more committed. It's going to happen. 2013 is THE year. And New Year's is all about the promise of a new start. A clean slate.

But on January 1st, 2013, won't it just feel the same as always? You will wake up with a groan and feel those same aches. You will complain about the weather. You will tell your children not to wipe their hands on their clothes. You will get caught in the rain. Like the holidays that come at the end of the year, with all that preparation and effort, the New Year brings so much expectation building momentum as it draws closer. Midnight strikes! The year lies ahead. The fresh start. Then it's gone. All that excitement falling to the ground like a deflated balloon. Not with a bang. Soundlessly. Drifting off into a corner, found days later.

2013 will be like every year we’ve ever known. It is the year of:

Getting too much sun even though you know you shouldn't.
A squeeze of your hand that makes everything better.
Drifting away from a long-time friend.
A great haircut.
Losing those few pounds.
A hug when you need it.
Watching a sunset.
Gaining back the weight.
A crayon drawing from your child that you tuck away.
Forgetting your umbrella.
Coming across the right pair of shoes.
Wasting too much time online.
Laughing with your children.
Crying in the shower.
Sleepless nights.
A book that you'll treasure.
The right words when you need to hear them.
A final good-bye.
The same old.
Last year was so good...and so bad. For me, 2012 was the year I watched my dad struggle with cancer. The year my boyfriend put so much at stake with a new business. The year of too many financial worries and too few professional gains. The year of my friends going through the loss of a parent. Finally acknowledging the anger I have towards my ex's family. Having my purse stolen. Visiting family. Having two summers. Spending time with dear friends and having our children play together. A sunset cruise to the Statue of Liberty. Riding every roller coaster. Another birthday. Another Valentine's Day. Another first day of school. Another Christmas.

This coming year is just like every year, isn't it? With it's struggles and it's triumphs. The joy. The heartbreak.

So I raise a toast to this New Year because it’s the same as it always has been— One where anything could happen. 

See you in 2013,

The Good Girl

Sunday, December 30, 2012

LET GO TO HOLD ON

Barbara Ward-Finneran
Two days ago I lost myself in a few glasses of wine.  Not something I often do.  Just three. Three small glasses. Way more then enough for me. It was enough to push the tears.  To allow my guard to go down and the tears to silently slide shinny paths across my cheeks.  Sometimes you cry for nothing.  Sometimes you cry for everything.  Sometimes you don't even know exactly why.  Sometimes your heart aches for everything that is and everything that isn't.  Sometimes you are just plain overwhelmed by every little thing.  Keeping yourself together can be exhausting at times and it's only when you pause, that the inertia breaks and the dam busts.  When you keep going, going, going and it's all "good".  Stop and you might melt in a puddle.  Might stall.  Might not be able to start again. It takes more effort to keep it all together then to fall apart. Yet, so rarely do we allow ourselves to fall... the pieces scatter where they may... and sometimes amazingly, if you actually allow them to fall... then the pieces fit back together again. Then you feel lighter, freer, better.

Doesn't matter what your tears are for and where they come from; anger, sadness, loss, despair, missing an old friend, or even when they are joyfully happy - you deserve to take the time to feel them. Slow down. Breathe, just breathe. Sometimes before you can move forward you have to stop and catch you balance.  Take care of the moment, take care of  yourself.  Be authentic and true to yourself and your feelings.  Sometimes you have to let go to once again be in control.  If you allow your tears to cleanse your heart and free your soul... wash away the worries and the what ifs...  Then you can look with fresh eyes and once again find your wine glass half full.  Find the beauty in every situation. Focusing on those things that rejuvenate you and give you hope amid all the other "stuff" that life deals you.  Remind yourself to never stop believing that you can always have a new beginning.  A few tears, a new moment, a new day, a new week, or new year --- All bring a fresh start and infinite possibilities.  Choose between turning the page or closing the book.  You are the author of what comes next.  Let go, to hold on. Find your footing on this amazing journey before you called life.  The best is yet unwritten... Feel it, live it, love it!  

WHAT MATTERS


Barbara Ward-Finneran

Hugs from your kids.

Sleeping in during christmas break.

Leftovers that you like to nibble on.

Remembering it's never to late to dreaming BIG.

Sharing a smile with a stranger. 

The ache in your heart because you love someone enough to miss them.

When you fall down, get up laughing.

Hearing your son's voice crack and change and bursting with pride at the young man he is becoming.

Memories that warm your heart.

A glass a wine with time for you and it to breathe.

Family. Especially the family that you choose. 

Giving tears their time.

Friends, the once that will forever be there - ALWAYS BE THERE!

Keeping the promises that you make to yourself!

Tuesday, December 25, 2012

CHARLES DURNING: HE DID A LITTLE SIDESTEP

Marion Pellicano Ambrose
 
 
One of my favorite character actors passed away on Christmas Eve. Charles Durning, 89, whose film credits include "The Sting", "Tootsie","Dick Tracy," "Home for the Holidays," "The Muppet Movie," "North Dallas Forty" and "O Brother Where Art Thou?", and my personal favorite : Best Little Whorehouse in Texas", leaves behind more than just a legacy of film and TV roles.   Durning appeared in almost 200 movies, countless television shows and dozens of plays, portraying a range of characters from Shakespearean fools to crooked cops to military veterans and even a priest. He was nominated for two Academy Awards and nine Emmy Awards and won a Tony Award for his performance as Big Daddy in a 1990 Broadway revival of Tennessee Williams’s “Cat on a Hot Tin Roof.”
 
 But the thing I found most admirable about this man was not his acting career . The fact is,
Durning was a true, blue, WWII hero. According to Yahoo News: Durning was part of the U.S. force that landed at Omaha Beach during the D-Day invasion in June 1944. A few days later he was shot in the hip - he said he carried the bullet in his body thereafter - and after six months of recovery was sent to the Battle of the Bulge.
Durning, who was wounded twice more, was captured and was one of the few survivors of the Malmedy massacre when German troops opened fire on dozens of American prisoners. In addition to three Purple Heart medals for his wounds, Durning was presented the Silver Star for valor.
At an observation of the 60th anniversary of D-Day in Washington, Durning told of the terror he felt and carnage he saw when hitting the beach on D-Day. He said he had to jettison his weapon and gear in order to swim ashore and saw mortally wounded comrades offering themselves as human shields.
"I forget a lot of stuff now but I still wake up once in a while and it's still there," he said. "I can't count how many of my buddies are in the cemetery at Normandy."


Before his acting career, Durning worked as a professional ballroom dancer and teacher.
His other jobs included working as a comedian, night watchman, dishwasher, sightseeing guide, bridge painter, bricklayer, plumber’s helper, bartender and cabdriver. At 30, he was delivering telegrams, while appearing in plays where his payment came from the passing of a hat. With all these life experiences, it's no wonder he became such an amazing character actor.

The world has lost a great actor and an outstanding human being. Rest in Peace Charles, you've earned it! 
 


JOY TO THE WORLD... THE LORD IS COME!


LET EARTH RECEIVE HER KING!
Many blessings & love to everyone!  
Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night!

SOUL FOOD


Barbara Ward-Finneran


Miracles occur all around us. It can be as simple as an act of compassion, a kind word, something unexplainable, or as grand as a defining moment filled with light to break up the dark. 

Sometimes it's fostering the power to believe in yourself enough to move forward. 

Look for your miracles. They happen if you hold onto faith and hope. They are all around us... Just believe!

Keep the promises that you make to yourself!
©  All Rights Reserved

WHAT MATTERS


Barbara Ward-Finneran

Being with people you love

The memories that run down your cheeks

The sound of laughter & the feeling of hugs

Giving from the heart

The sparkle in a child's eyes

Making the most of this moment

The gift of the Lord's love and the magic of Christmas

Remembering those who aren't with you

Faith, Hope & Love

Being Jesus to others

Tears because they mean you "feel"

Everyone whose ever meant anything to you

The blessings that you forget to count

Being old enough to know that it's never about the presents under the tree

The stars that break up the darkness

Knowing Jesus is the Light of the World

MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL 
AND TO ALL A GOODNIGHT!

Monday, December 24, 2012

THE WORD BECAME FLESH

THE CHRISTMAS STORY

Matthew 1:18-25; Matthew 2:1-12; Luke 1:26-38; Luke 2:1-20.

The Conception of Jesus Foretold

Mary, a virgin, was living in Galilee of Nazareth and was engaged to be married to Joseph, a Jewish carpenter. An angel visited her and explained to her that she would conceive a son by thepower of the Holy Spirit. She would carry and give birth to this child and she would name him Jesus.
At first Mary was afraid and troubled by the angel's words. Being a virgin, Mary questioned the angel, "How will this be?" The angel explained that the child would be God's own Son and, therefore, "nothing is impossible with God." Humbled and in awe, Mary believed the angel of the Lord and rejoiced in God her Savior.
Surely Mary reflected with wonder on the words found in Isaiah 7:14 foretelling this event, "Therefore the Lord himself will give you a sign: The virgin will be with child and will give birth to a son, and will call him Immanuel" (NIV)

The Birth of Jesus:

While Mary was still engaged to Joseph, she miraculously became pregnant through the Holy Spirit, as foretold to her by the angel. When Mary told Joseph she was pregnant, he had every right to feel disgraced. He knew the child was not his own, and Mary's apparent unfaithfulness carried a grave social stigma. Joseph not only had the right to divorce Mary, under Jewish law she could be put to death by stoning.
Although Joseph's initial reaction was to break the engagement, the appropriate thing for a righteous man to do, he treated Mary with extreme kindness. He did not want to cause her further shame, so he decided to act quietly. But God sent an angel to Joseph in a dream to verify Mary's story and reassure him that his marriage to her was God's will. The angel explained that the child within Mary was conceived by the Holy Spirit, that his name would be Jesus and that he was the Messiah, God with us.
When Joseph woke from his dream, he willingly obeyed God and took Mary home to be his wife, in spite of the public humiliation he would face. Perhaps this noble quality is one of the reasons God chose him to be the Messiah's earthly father.
Joseph too must have wondered in awe as he remembered the words found in Isaiah 7:14, "Therefore the Lord himself will give you a sign: The virgin will be with child and will give birth to a son, and will call him Immanuel." (NIV)
At that time, Caesar Augustus decreed that a census be taken, and every person in the entire Roman world had to go to his own town to register. Joseph, being of the line of David, was required to go to Bethlehem to register with Mary. While in Bethlehem, Mary gave birth to Jesus. Probably due to the census, the inn was too crowded, and Mary gave birth in a crude stable. She wrapped the baby in cloths and placed him in a manger.

The Shepherd's Worship the Savior:

Out in the fields, an angel of the Lord appeared to the shepherds who were tending their flocks of sheep by night. The angel announced that the Savior had been born in the town of David. Suddenly a great host of heavenly beings appeared with the angels and began singing praises to God. As the angelic beings departed, the shepherds decided to travel to Bethlehem and see the Christ-child.
There they found Mary, Joseph and the baby, in the stable. After their visit, they began to spread the word about this amazing child and everything the angel had said about him. They went on their way still praising and glorifying God. But Mary kept quiet, treasuring their words and pondering them in her heart. It must have been beyond her ability to grasp, that sleeping in her arms—the tender child she had just borne—was the Savior of the world.

The Magi Bring Gifts:

After Jesus' birth, Herod was king of Judea. At this time wise men (Magi) from the east saw a star, they came in search, knowing the star signified the birth of the king of the Jews. The wise men came to the Jewish rulers in Jerusalem and asked where the Christ was to be born. The rulers explained, "In Bethlehem in Judea," referring to Micah 5:2. Herod secretly met with the Magi and asked them to report back after they had found the child. Herod told the Magi that he too wanted to go and worship the babe. But secretly Herod was plotting to kill the child. So the wise men continued to follow the star in search of the new born king and found Jesus with his mother in Bethlehem. (Most likely Jesus was already two years of age by this time.) They bowed and worshipped him, offering treasures of gold, incense, and myrrh. When they left, they did not return to Herod. They had been warned in a dream of his plot to destroy the child.

O' HOLY NIGHT


Wishing all our readers a very Merry Christmas!
 May the peace, love, and joy of the season be yours!

Saturday, December 22, 2012

KEEP OUR SOLDIER'S CANDLE BURNING

Marion Pellicano Ambrose

 
Growing up, I always looked forward to Christmas Eve night, when my father would call us all to the porch and light a candle to place in the window.  The candle was to light the way for the Holy Family and to show that we always had room for them at our house. I love this tradition, but this year, I'd like to change it a little. I'm sure the Holy Family won't mind at all!   I'd like to invite you to join me in keeping a light in the window for our soldiers, still overseas, who won't be able to be with their loved ones this Christmas.


There’s a candle in the window
For our soldier off at war,
Standing constant vigil ’til
His foreign tour is o’er.

The sentinel stands faithfully
Through day and dark of night,
Reminding all who look its way,
To pray for Freedom’s fight.

For safety and for courage,
And for wisdom do we pray;
That God may grant him all these things
As his Comrade day by day.

Now stand, O Candle, bright and tall,
Alert us all, each one,
That the price of freedom is not cheap,
And its battle not yet done.

So light his way and burn for him,
And for his safe returning;
Our love will be the fuel that keeps
Our soldier’s candle burning

Thursday, December 20, 2012

BACK TO BEING A REPUBLICRAT!


Marion Pellicano Ambrose

Here I go again- having an opinion that is part Republican and part Democrat.  ( http://delayedreactionlounge.blogspot.com/2011/04/demlicans-or-repubicrats.html)

I nearly gave my husband a heart attack when I said "I agree with President Obama in that there should be a ban on assault weapons (except for police and military) and that no one in the general public should have access to armor piercing bullets! But, even though I'm a registered Republican, this is what I believe. I also agree that there is much to be done in the field of mental health and how we deal with it in this country. I'm hoping that this "task force" appointed by the President, will genuinely address these issues and not just "look into them".
I must also strongly disagree with the arming of teachers. Teachers are already asked to be mother, nurse, psychologist, babysitter, secretary, nutritionist and more. Why would we ask them to take on such an awesome responsibility of being bodyguard and police officer? As a former teacher and assistant principal, I can tell you that teachers are yearning for the days when we were actually allowed to TEACH! Now there is so little actual quality instructional time due to documentation, paperwork, fundraising, school photos, increase of special needs kids in the classroom, differentiated instruction, ... should I go on? Now you want to ask these teachers to carry a gun and learn how to shoot it?  This is insane! Whatever the cost, it would be much more effective to have an armed officer on campus who is thoroughly trained and experienced in dealing with emergency situations.
It was evident , as events unfolded in Sandy Hook Elementary School, that the teachers were well trained in what to do, and were willing to put their lives on the line for their students. How much more could you ask?
Now, here's the Republican in me speaking: We must protect the 2nd amendment and support the right to have a gun to protect ourselves and our loved ones, however, everyone should have to have a background check, take a training course, and people with a history of mental illness should not be able to have access to a gun (theirs or anyone elses.)
Again, it seems to me that there is a common ground for both sides of the table. I don't understand why politics places us at each others' throats! Life is full of compromise or give and take. Why can't we be that way politically?
Well, maybe it won't matter . If the Mayans are correct, we won't be arguing much longer! I'd better get this posted before the end comes and no one gets to read it!
Best Wishes,
Marion

Monday, December 17, 2012

EVEN THE ANGELS WEPT



A day like any other, the sun rose in the sky

No one knew that on this day, the innocent would die.

Waves and kisses, off to school,   just as you’d expect

But on this day of tragedy, even the angels wept.


We mourn the 20 little ones who lost their lives that day,

And for adults who also died, we bow our heads and pray.

We can’t hold back the tears Lord, our sorrow can’t be eased.

Our outrage, shock and anger, just cannot be appeased.


And so our hearts are broken, our eyes are filled with tears,

We need for you to hold us close and calm us from our fears.

We all must learn to strive each day, to help our fellow man,

And stop the violence, hate and strife in anyway we can.



Help for those in mental strife, counseling and care,

Stop the hateful bullying, and teach our kids to share.

Evil men exist, dear Lord, no matter what we do,

But if we work to do these things, we just may save a few.


There is another thing I ask, Please come back to our schools,

So we can teach your law of love, and live the golden rule.

Enlighten all your people - our leaders and all men,

So we may be one nation, strong and “ under God” again.


Saturday, December 15, 2012

DON'T BLAME GUNS!


Marion Pellicano Ambrose

 

Let me start by saying, I write this article , not from reading other articles and writing my interpretation, but from painful, personal experience. Those of you who have not lived with a family member suffering from mental illness, may be able to empathize to a certain extent, but you can’t really grasp the hellish existence we must endure.

 

The senseless killing of 20 innocent children and 6 adults has caused people to cry out for gun control, better security in schools and bans on automatic weapons. The real need, my friends, is for BETTER MENTAL HEALTH POLICIES in this country. Families with mothers, fathers, sons and daughters suffering with mental illness, like Bi-Polar Disorder, Schizophrenia, Depression and countless other illnesses, struggle on a daily basis trying to get help and effective treatment for their loved ones, but it just isn’t there for many of us.

 

“Simply put, treatment works, if you can get it. But in America today, it is clear that many people living with mental illness are not provided with the essential treatment they need.”

—Michael J. Fitzpatrick, executive director of NAMI National, National Alliance on Mental Illness, Grading the States 2006, Arlington, Va.

 

Parents with children who are violent, abusive, or destructive have few options. If we act to keep our children and others safe, we are accused of child abuse or endangerment. For example, my son was violent and would kick out his windows, run outside and try to climb onto the roof to jump off. We put plexiglass on the windows and he kicked those out. We finally had to put grating on the windows, to keep him from getting out and to protect him from shattered glass if he did shatter the window. A social worker said we were breaking the fire code and endangering his life and that we could be reported to DCF. I stated that if we took the grating off, he was in much greater danger. I also asked her what she would do in this case. Her answer was “Well, I certainly wouldn’t put grating up! Take it down.” And that was it. No help or advice. She went home to her normal, safe family and left us to deal with our situation alone.

 

I was forced to Baker Act my son several times. This means, he was a visible danger to himself or others and police can be called to take him to a mental health facility to be evaluated. In every single case, he was drugged into a catatonic state, and of course, his incidents of violence stopped. The longest he was held was 72 hours and then released back home where, of course, we wouldn’t keep him drugged until he was like a zombie. A day or 2 later we were right back where we started. Back to living in hell.

 

Who knows what the mother of this young man who killed so many has lived with. No one can judge her until they know the circumstances of her life. It could be that she was an abusive mother, or that she neglected her son. But it’s also very possible that she struggled for this young man’s entire life, trying to get treatment, medication, counseling, and support for him and her family. I’m not surprised that her son murdered her. My son attempted the same thing on several occasions when he was younger, especially when he was going through puberty.

 

Please don’t misunderstand. I love my son. I did everything on God’s good earth to get him help and treatment. I traveled all over the state and farther to find the best psychiatrists and psychologists. I had a behavioral analyst, social workers, nutritionists, an more working with me. I went for training on how to safely restrain him, how to try and defuse his fits, how to use conditioning, reinforcement, how to protect myself , my daughter and my husband. All this because I INSISTED that I be trained!! Only one of the many, many mental health professionals encouraged me in this. For this reason, I will always be grateful and hold in the highest regard, Doctor Humberto Nagera of the University of South Florida.  He met with me won a weekly basis and gave me advice and strategies to deal with my son. The others were annoyed and labeled me a “difficult parent” because I fought for help. Dr. Nagera was also the ONLY one who was concerned about the effect of my son’s illness on my daughter who is 4 years younger. His care and concern had such an affect on her that she is now in graduate school studying to be an Applied Behavioral Analyst. I wish President Obama would put Dr. Nagera in charge of forging new mental health policies and programs that actually help not only the patient, but their suffering families.

I believe it is because of him , his support and the advice he gave our family, that my son has never been arrested, never on drugs, and not permanently committed to a mental institution. My son is now attending college after getting a GED, has a girlfriend, and lives on his own (with some help from me). He is still bipolar and still has great difficulty with life. He still gets angry but has learned to control it enough to keep from becoming violent. Some days he’ll talk to me and we have a good relationship, and others he hates me and  says I was never a mother to him. I’ve learned not to take it personally and just wait it out. Eventually, he comes around again. I believe that, without the hard work and partnership of me, my husband, my mother, my mother in law, my daughter and my friends, and especially the help of Dr. Nagera , my son would be dead or in prison and I would have been murdered by him.

 

So when you’re hearing all the calls for gun control or complaints about school safety (even though Sandy Hook was proven to have a good policy in effect and all teachers and staff acted heroically in this situation), PLEASE remember that if parents had access to EFFECTIVE mental health treatment, help with violent and abusive children, and the empathy and understanding of the public, there might not be incidences like Sandy Hook and Columbine.

 

ALL parents need to look at what they’re teaching their children by allowing them to see violent movies, play violent video games and act and speak disrespectfully. It’s not funny when a child uses foul language. It’s a crime when a young child is permitted to play games where they kill and maim with guns, swords or whatever weapon the game provides. It’s irresponsible when parents allow children to see movies or TV shows where sex and violence are commonplace, causing them to think this is the way it is in real life. THAT’S EXACTLY why it is becoming real life. It’s not adorable to see young girls dressed like sluts or boys dressing like gang members. All these things send a message to our children, and it’s not a good message.

 

Let me leave you with these facts:

 

One in four adults—approximately 57.7 million Americans—

experience a mental health disorder in a given year. One in 17 lives

With a serious mental illness such as schizophrenia, major

depression or bipolar disorder1 and about one in 10 children live

with a serious mental or emotional disorder.

 

• About 2.4 million Americans, or 1.1 percent of the adult population,

lives with schizophrenia.

• Bipolar disorder affects 5.7 million American adults, approximately

2.6 percent of the adult population per year.

• Major depressive disorder affects 6.7 percent of adults, or about

14.8 million American adults.1 According to the 2004 World Health

Report, this is the leading cause of disability in the United States

and Canada in ages between 15-44.

• Anxiety disorders, including panic disorder, obsessive-compulsive

disorder (OCD), posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD), generalized

anxiety disorder and phobias, affect about 18.7 percent of adults,

an estimated 40 million individuals. Anxiety disorders frequently

co-occur with depression or addiction disorders.

• An estimated 5.2 million adults have co-occurring mental health

and addiction disorders.4 Of adults using homeless services, 31

percent reported having combination of these conditions.

• One-half of all lifetime cases of mental illness begin by age 14,

three-quarters by age 24. Despite effective treatments, there

are long delays—sometimes decades—between the first onset of

symptoms and when people seek and receive treatment.

• Fewer than one-third of adults and one-half of children with a

diagnosable mental disorder receive mental health services in a

given year.

• Racial and ethnic minorities are less likely to have access to mental

health services and often receive a poorer quality of care.

• In the United States, the annual economic, indirect cost of mental

illness is estimated to be $79 billion. Most of that amount—

approximately $63 billion—reflects the loss of productivity as a

result of illnesses.

• Individuals living with serious mental illness face an increased risk

of having chronic medical conditions. Adults living with serious

mental illness die 25 years earlier than other Americans, largely

due to treatable medical conditions.

• Suicide is the eleventh-leading cause of death in the Unites States

and the third-leading cause of death for people ages 10-24 years.

More than 90 percent of those who die by suicide have a

diagnosable mental disorder.

• In July 2007, a nationwide report indicated that male veterans are

twice as likely to die by suicide as compared with their civilian peers

in the general United States population.

• Twenty-four percent of state prisoners and 21 percent of local jail

prisoners have a recent history of a mental health disorder.

Seventy percent of youth in juvenile justice systems have at least

one mental disorder with at least 20 percent experiencing significant functional impairment from a serious mental illness.

• Over 50 percent of students with a mental disorder age 14 and

older drop out of high school—the highest dropout rate of any

disability group.


My heart goes out to all the families of the Sandy Hook tragedy, but it also goes out to the family  of this young man who killed his own mother and then himself . His mental illness doesn’t excuse the horrible thing that he did, but it should motivate us to vote for better mental health care in this country and support teachers and others who deal with this issue on a daily basis.