This week's He Said asks a question.... how many of you have a "one who got away?"
I was talking to a dear friend.... she was telling me about a guy. She's
known this guy was "the one" since 1986. But he got away. To this day
they both say they still have feelings for each other & realize,
despite happy lives, they missed the boat.
My friend said she misses him so much & sometimes has a hard time
with it. Meanwhile he appears to be fine with it... or so she thinks.
I spoke to a buddy of mine, a guy, who told me a long long time ago
about his "one who got away." This buddy agreed women appear to have a
harder time with this kind of situation... again, they appear
to have a harder time.... my buddy says the men have just as hard a
time as the women, the men just hide it better. My buddy really opened
up to me about how he longs for his soulmate, his "one that got away".
He has a good life-a wife and kids-but he feels a connection, a love for
his "one." He claims his "one" feels the same. They've felt this way
since 1987 & still talk about it to this day!
I know a few other people who claim they're the victims of "the one who
got away." They all have different reasons why "the one" got away....
fights, religious, financial, jobs, family, etc. Yet, years later, they
still yearn for that person. Now with the power of Facebook, many of
these "ones" are finding their way back. Problem is, most of the ones I
know are married people having affairs.
This got me thinking.... are these people really missing "the one" or
are they in love with a memory? A what might have been notion? Has life
hit them & their spouse so hard that they think of an earlier time
& associate someone from that earlier time which turns them into
"the one?" But, then... take the two friends I am talking about...
they've never stopped loving their "one" since the eighties!! So are
there a ton of people out there who have let "the one" get away? Just
like that movie "The Notebook."
If you have let that "one" get away, why don't you go get that person? Isn't your happiness more important than anything else?
Tell us what you think...
Are you in this kind of situation? Why don't you drop everything & start a life with "the one?"
Do you think Facebook is enhancing people's temptations?
These days, it's almost impossible NOT to have a friend who is going through the painful process of divorce, or thinking about starting the process. More than 50% of marriages end up in divorce, and each one means that someone has suffered. Divorce is a messy business and can be difficult on two people who made the promise to marry for life. It can also be hard on children whose parents are going through divorce. Divorce can be complicated, because it not only involves the division of people within the marriage, but often material goods such as a couple's home, cars, money, and possessions need to be divided. Of course, if there are children involved, the effects can be devistating. While I would encourage every couple to work hard on their marriage, to be willing to comprimise and empathize, I do recognize that some marriages will fail. If you have a friend or relative that has reached this point, this is my advice to help them through a difficult time.
100% acceptance - give your friend a safe non-judgmental environment to vent. But don't participate in the blame game. That only makes things worse.
Be someone who understands that your friend's pain is real - do not bring up individuals who have had it worse, like widows or burn victims, or say "at least you have your children", or "thank goodness you don't have children," or "you have your looks and health, you will find someone soon again." Those phrases diminish the real pain that your friend is experiencing at that moment.
Promise secrecy – and keep your promise! Private matters that have been disclosed to you should not be shared with others, not even your spouse.
Provide your friend with a shoulder to cry on - let them talk; sometimes that is all they need, but place a time limit on their pity pot talk. Change the subject if your friend starts to rehash familiar territory. They need to grieve first and then let their anger out, but it is not good for them to mull over the same set of offenses over and over again.
Give them hugs - remember that someone going through divorce has lost physical contact with their life's mate, and that hugs are better than medicine.
Provide your friend with your logic and ability to think straight - depression affects the brain. Remember, your friend is filled with anxiety and there are times when he or she can't plan strategically at all. Refer your friend to experts and self-help groups, or help them sort through the myriad of bewildering topics they will need to address - lawyers, realtors, job searches.
Include your friend in fun outings and invite them to parties and events - even if they don't feel like going. This especially holds true for women, who are often dumped from the party circuit for reasons that are mystifying. Plan a lot of “girls night out” events.
Keep in touch with regular calls, text messages, and via Facebook, Twitter, and cards - your friend may not respond, but these evidences of caring help. They'll come round and respond eventually.
Be an honest friend - this takes diplomacy, but if you see self-destructive behavior, have the courage to step in and stop it.
Drive them or their children - many separated people are unable to share the load of driving, which becomes evident as time passes. Offer to drive when you go on a shared outing, or to take their children to their events. It's the little details that count and provide relief.
CHOCOLATE – they will need lots
Most importantly - prayers! Pray for whatever will be in their best interest, not what you think they want or what you want the outcome to be. This is the sign of a true friend!
Remember not to judge either party in a divorce. No one really knows what goes on behind the closed doors of a marriage. I know I've wanted to shoot someone after listening to a friend's account of how she was treated, but I restrained myself and didn't even shoot off my mouth! I was rewarded later when they reconciled and my friend cut off other friends who had bad mouthed her husband! She appreciated my support and discression, but especially the fact that I never put her husband down to her or anyone else. They've been happily married for 10 years since the incident!
"A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person. " Mignon McLaughlin
Today more than one billion people around the globe will participate in Earth Day 2012 and help to do what they can to appreciate and protect our planet. People of all nationalities and backgrounds will voice their appreciation for the planet and demand its protection. Together we will stand united for a sustainable future and call upon individuals, organizations, and governments to do their part. You can make a difference! Do something in your corner of the world... turn off a light, ride your bike to get milk, pick up some trash, plan a car pool... do something - anything - no act is too big or too small!
Nobody can do everything, but everyone can do something.
Act as if what you do makes a difference. It does. ~William James
We can do no great things, only small things with great love. ~Mother Teresa Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better. It's not. ~Dr. Seuss
I am only one, but I am one. I cannot do everything, but I can do something. And I will not let what I cannot do interfere with what I can do. ~Edward Everett Hale
You must be the change you wish to see in the world.