DRL Is Delighted to Welcome Back...
MICHAEL RUBIN
I think the case with this father is a bit different. I think there are a lot of selfish parents--mothers and fathers alike--I've seen mothers with no "motherly instincts."
Long before I met my wife, my friend Mikey said something to me that both grossed me out but I understood clearly once I was married and had a child of my own: "I would eat the puke out of my kids' mouths if it would help them."
Back to this story of abandonment...this father was around 49 when the kid was born. It sounds like the relationship that bore this kid was never on solid footing-if the kid was even wanted. Further that a father wins sole custody with visitation 10 years ago-that is rare unless the mother is unstable or has a drug problem. That she visited only once or twice-again-that is not a "normal" mother.
This guy lost it all-the job, the house and it sounds like his marbles. I am no shrink but this guy is depressed-clearly. He may also have some physical issues as well-we know he has monetary issues.
Unfortunately this guy gave up. It sounds like he has no real ties to friends or family and felt he couldn't keep the kid any safer than giving him to the neighbors-hoping they would take him in as their own-which, not surprisingly, they didn't.
I know that if G-d forbid, something happened to either or both my wife an myself there would be a line of friends and family to take our boy in. This guy had no life-lines left.
I witnessed the opposite of this story in the passing of Robin & Josh Berry in Houston in a tragic car accident. Their three children were in the car. Their youngest girl just had broken limbs. Their 2 sons are paralyzed from the waist down. They face years of rehabilitation and support. In the meantime a whole city, and indeed a whole world, led by Kim Kardashian (of all people) and Justin Bieber, have pitched in to get donations so that the tens of millions of dollars that will be required for their lifetime care will be there.
Their father, in his dying 30 minutes, told the Texas State Trooper to give his kids to his brother and sister-in-law to care for-a painful dying wish. His brother has 3 kids of their own but everyone is pitching in. The village will raise this child.
I will write more about the Berry Kids in another post.
However this guy had no village, no family, no one left.
We look at this as shocking, disgusting and so on--but the fact is this was a white guy in suburbia living the so-called American dream. That is why we act with shock and disgust. It also is a story heard often during the Great Depression of the 1930's. Perhaps we better watch these stories more closely.
The reality is this is happening and has been happening in poor communities of "renters" in urban populations for years. Maybe it's not the father but the mother abandoning the child for crack in the 80's or later for other issues in the 90's, 00's and on. We don't see it because it's not "newsworthy" just "common."
Maybe this is a wake-up call for all of us. Maybe Hillary Clinton was right (gasp-did I just agree with Hillary?) when she quoted the old African proverb: It takes a village to raise a child...
Long before I met my wife, my friend Mikey said something to me that both grossed me out but I understood clearly once I was married and had a child of my own: "I would eat the puke out of my kids' mouths if it would help them."
Back to this story of abandonment...this father was around 49 when the kid was born. It sounds like the relationship that bore this kid was never on solid footing-if the kid was even wanted. Further that a father wins sole custody with visitation 10 years ago-that is rare unless the mother is unstable or has a drug problem. That she visited only once or twice-again-that is not a "normal" mother.
This guy lost it all-the job, the house and it sounds like his marbles. I am no shrink but this guy is depressed-clearly. He may also have some physical issues as well-we know he has monetary issues.
Unfortunately this guy gave up. It sounds like he has no real ties to friends or family and felt he couldn't keep the kid any safer than giving him to the neighbors-hoping they would take him in as their own-which, not surprisingly, they didn't.
I know that if G-d forbid, something happened to either or both my wife an myself there would be a line of friends and family to take our boy in. This guy had no life-lines left.
I witnessed the opposite of this story in the passing of Robin & Josh Berry in Houston in a tragic car accident. Their three children were in the car. Their youngest girl just had broken limbs. Their 2 sons are paralyzed from the waist down. They face years of rehabilitation and support. In the meantime a whole city, and indeed a whole world, led by Kim Kardashian (of all people) and Justin Bieber, have pitched in to get donations so that the tens of millions of dollars that will be required for their lifetime care will be there.
Their father, in his dying 30 minutes, told the Texas State Trooper to give his kids to his brother and sister-in-law to care for-a painful dying wish. His brother has 3 kids of their own but everyone is pitching in. The village will raise this child.
I will write more about the Berry Kids in another post.
However this guy had no village, no family, no one left.
We look at this as shocking, disgusting and so on--but the fact is this was a white guy in suburbia living the so-called American dream. That is why we act with shock and disgust. It also is a story heard often during the Great Depression of the 1930's. Perhaps we better watch these stories more closely.
The reality is this is happening and has been happening in poor communities of "renters" in urban populations for years. Maybe it's not the father but the mother abandoning the child for crack in the 80's or later for other issues in the 90's, 00's and on. We don't see it because it's not "newsworthy" just "common."
Maybe this is a wake-up call for all of us. Maybe Hillary Clinton was right (gasp-did I just agree with Hillary?) when she quoted the old African proverb: It takes a village to raise a child...
Welcome Back Mr. Rubin...
ReplyDeleteI agree there is something going on in our world. It is closer to home than anyone realizes.
I did mention in my She Said that the mother obviously checked out - I am sure the points you make about what must be going on for a mother to not get custody are dead on. I also think "WE" have created a world where people are too scared to step up and do something. No one wants to make that call to the authorities to say...SOMETHING IS UP NEXT DOOR AT 123 ANYWHERE DRIVE, USA.
What do you think has caused this?
Welcome back Michael. Good to have you hanging at the lounge once again! Hope you stick around.
ReplyDeleteYou bring up more points. Valid points. All of you have things that are "right" and yet the situation is so very wrong. And it happens...... Is the outrage that it happens, or that it happen here, where we call home?
The question that begs an answer, is what can we do about it? No one person can fix it all --- yet, Perhaps a welcoming smile, a warm cup of coffee could have given this father a glimmer of hope.
People who care and show it - change the world - one act of kindness at a time! That is the very least we can do.