BEING FUNNY IS SERIOUS BUSINESS

Tony Walker

So...... The Lovely Barbara of The Lovely Lounge asked me if I'd be interested in writing something about the serious side of being funny.

What an interesting idea!

I admit, at first I thought I could write about how putting together comedy shows for a living is serious business. You need to write something that's funny not stupid. You may have the restrictions of not being dirty... being dirty is easy. You have to deal with performers-who can rehearse on what night, who committed to something but now can't commit to half the shit they committed to, making sure we have all the props & materials needed for the show, making sure the sound system works, etc. Believe me, I could write about all that & I will in other posts.... especially with the year I've had!!

But I'm not going to write about the funny business now. I'm going to write about how hard it is to be funny in life. How hard it is to keep smiling during tough times.  Sickness. Marriage crumbling. Financial issues. The list goes on & on. We all have several reasons not to smile.

I'm there too. 2012 was one of the worst years of my life!

But we can't let these catastrophes bring us down. If they bring us down they win! Then we're defined by it. The first few years that followed after my cancer, I saw the look on certain people's faces when I walked into a room. "There's the cancer guy" was written all over many people's faces. There was no f*cking way I was going to let cancer define me. Here we are, almost 10 years since I've been cancer free, & no one looks at me as the cancer guy anymore.

How did that happen? By smiling & being funny. I made a conscious & serious decision to be funny all the time. Everywhere I go I am smiling & making jokes. At meetings, at my kids' school, walking down the street, etc. Everywhere.

Let me tell you... it's hard work to be funny. It's serious shit. But the payoff is incredible. So many people are more willing to help me if I need something because I made them laugh. So many people are more friendly to me. So many people remember me. So many people will be my friend. 

As Heath Ledger said.... "Why so serious???" It just doesn't make sense to me. Smile damnit! Be pleasant & people will be pleasant to you! What a difference that makes in your day & in your all around mood when you have a pleasant atmosphere!! And it's contagious! You're fun & pleasant, soon everyone else around you is, & life doesn't seem so bad.

About a year ago I knew this serious work of being funny paid off. I was at a school function. I had to introduce myself to someone. When I did her response was, "Oh I know you." Immediately I thought she was going to say, "You're the one with cancer" or "You're the one legged guy." But no.... she said, "You're the comedy guy." WOO HOO!!!! Why yes! Yes I am!!!! Take that cancer!!! Take that & your serious shit!!

So you heard it from me. Start smiling & make a serious effort to be funny at all times. Stop being so stuffy! Be human!! Be fun!! I said so.

Eventually I'll share with you all the seriousness it takes to run a comedy business!!! There will be funny and not so funny stories to tell.  Being funny is serious business!

WANNA LAUGH?!?!

Tony Walker

My wife & I were fighting the other day. As we were fighting she started packing.
"Where are you going?" I asked.
She said, "I'm moving to Vegas! I'm going to become an escort & charge $500 a night!"
With that I started packing too.
"Where are YOU going?" She asked.
I replied, "I'm going to Vegas too. I wanna see how you'll survive on $1000 a year."
Then I asked her, "I bet you can't wait for me to die so you can spit on my grave."
My wife said, "No way. I don't like standing in long lines!"

WANNA LAUGH?!?!

Tony Walker

Every summer I take a trip to Lake George.

Whenever I talk about Lake George I think about my first visit there when I walked into a little country store.

They had this big sign that says, "Beware of dog."

But inside the store is harmless old hound dog who sleeps all the time right next to the cash register.

I asked the store manager, "Is that the dog we're all supposed to beware of?"

"Yep that's him," the manager replies.

Amused, I ask, "That certainly doesn't look like a dangerous dog to me. Why in the world would you post that sign?"

"Because," The manager says, "Before I posted that sign, people kept tripping over him."

WANNA LAUGH?!?!

Last week Murph went out drinking. When he left the bar a cop spotted him stumbling around in the parking lot. The officer went to him & asked him what he's doing.
"I think someone stole my car!" Shouts Murph.
The officer asks, "Where was it when you last saw it?"
Murph replies, "At the end of dis keeeeeeeee......."
With that the officer notices that Murph's pants are down & his junk is out.
The cop asks, "Are you aware that you are exposing yourself for the world to see?"
Murph yells, "Oh shit!! They got my girlfriend too!!"

WANNA LAUGH?!?!?!

Tony Walker

I took Boyle to Governor's Comedy Club to see a  ventriloquist. The ventriloquist went into a whole bit of silly blonde jokes. All of a sudden Boyle stood up and started yelling. "OK jerk, I've heard just about enough of you picking on blondes! What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does being blonde have to do with someone as a human being? It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community!"
Flustered, the ventriloquist begins to apologize when Boyle pops up again, "You stay out of this mister, I'm talking to that little bastard on your knee!"

WANNA LAUGH?!?!?!

A professor of mathematics sent a fax to his wife. It read:

"Dear wife, You must realize that you are 54 years old and I have certain needs which you are no longer able to satisfy. I am otherwise happy with you as a wife, and I sincerely hope you will not be hurt or offended to learn that by the time you receive this letter, I will be at the Grand Hotel with my 18-year-old teaching assistant. I'll be home before midnight. - Your Husband"
When he arrived at the hotel, there was a faxed letter waiting for him that read as follows:

"Dear Husband. You too are 54 years old, and by the time you receive this, I will be at the Breakwater Hotel with the 18-year-old pool boy. Being the brilliant mathematician that you are, you can easily appreciate the fact that 18 goes into 54 a lot more times than 54 goes into 18. Don't wait up."

WANNA LAUGH?!?! ...The Late Show - Rated M for Mature

There was this couple that had been married for 20 years. Every time they made love the husband always insisted on shutting off the light. Well, after 20 years the wife felt this was ridiculous. She figured she would break him out of this crazy habit. So one night, while they were in the middle of a wild, screaming, romantic session, she turned on the lights. She looked down and saw her husband was holding a battery-operated leisure device... a vibrator! Soft, wonderful and larger than a real one. She went completely ballistic. "You impotent bastard," she screamed at him, "how could you be lying to me all of these years? You better explain yourself!" .... The husband looks her straight in the eyes and says calmly, "I'll explain the toy . . . you explain the kids."

WANNA LAUGH?!?!?!

Tony Walker

Murph was about to tee off on the golf course when he feels a tap on his shoulder. There is a man standing there who hands Murph a note that reads, "I am a deaf mute. May I play through please?"

Murph communicates to the man that he may NOT play through and that his disability has nothing to do with playing golf.

So Murph begins to play. He whacks his first ball right onto the green. Just as he is about to sink that ball into the hole he is hit in the head with a golf ball, laying him out cold.

When he comes to a few minutes later, he looks around and sees the deaf mute sternly looking at him, one hand on his hip, the other holding up four fingers.

WANNA LAUGH?!?!?!

POST HOLIDAY RE-RUN

  

Tony Walker

Sal died in a fire and his body was burned pretty badly. The morgue needed someone to identify the body,

So they sent for his two best friends, Tony and Kevin. The three men had always done everything together...

Tony arrived first, and when the mortician pulled back the sheet, Tony said, "Yup, his face is burned up pretty bad."

"You better roll him over." The mortician rolled him over and Tony said, "Nope, ain't Sal ..."

The mortician thought this was rather strange. So he brought Kevin in to confirm the identity of the body.

WANNA LAUGH?!?!?!

Tony Walker

Mama Bear was trying to tell her cubs, 2 girls & a boy, about how babies are made.
The first girl cub asks, "Mama, will I have cubs when I grow up?"
"Yes you will sweetie," replies Mama.
The second girl cub asks, "Mama, will I have cubs when I grow up too?"

WANNA LAUGH?!?! ...The Late Show - Rated M for Mature

Tony Walker

A few months after his parents divorced, Johnny was walking past his mom's room & accidentally spots mom naked & rubbing herself while yelling, "I need a man, I need a man!"

Over the next few months Johnny sees mom doing this several times.

One day he comes home from school, peaks in moms room, & sees some man on top of his mom.

Little Johnny then runs into his room, takes off his clothes, starts touching himself while yelling, "I need a bike, I need a bike!"

http://www.dropdeadcomedy.com/