How does a man find a woman who is beautiful, smart, funny, & rich?
He gets married 4 times.
A male-to-female transexual was recently interviewed on a radio talk show.
The DJ asked the transexual about what, if any, pain the person experienced
during the operation. The transexual replied, "Well, when they cut my penis off,
that really didn't hurt too much. Even when they implanted the breasts in my
chest, well, that really didn't hurt too much either...."
"Then you didn't experience any real physical pain at all then?"
"Hell no! It hurt like hell when they stuck that big fucking needle in my
head and sucked out all my brains and then cut my salary in half!"
HOW TO TRANSLATE "WOMANSPEAK"
When She Says: No...................
She Really Means: Yes.
When She Says: Of course I'm not upset.................
She Really Means: Of course I'm upset, you moron!
When She Says: I might as well tell you Bob and I are seeing each other.........
She Really Means: Bob and I are having sex.
When She Says: I feel I've known you my whole life.....
She Really Means: I'm drunk.
When She Says: Will you respect me in the morning?.....
She Really Means: You won't tell your friends, will you?
When She Says: I never do this on my first date........
She Really Means: I always do this on my first date.
When She Says: Don't touch me there....................
She Really Means: Touch me there, but I'm going to stop you the first few times.
When She Says: You're...so manly.......................
She Really Means: You need to shave and you sweat a lot.
When She Says: Hello? Oh yes. Didn't we meet at the bar Friday night?....
She Really Means: I've been waiting by the phone for three days
When She Says: Let's not talk "commitment". Let's just see what happens......
She Really Means: I'm not taking any birth control pills.
When She Says: You're certainly lovely tonight.........
She Really Means: Is sex all you ever think about?
When She Says: I can't believe you're here.It must be fate......
She Really Means: I've been following you all day.
When She Says: I'm particular who I have sex with......
She Really Means: I draw the line at barnyard animals.
When She Says: I'm not emotional and I'm not over-reacting......
She Really Means: I'm having my period.
When She Says: I hope you're not disappointed..........
She Really Means: I'm flat chested.
When She Says: Want to come upstairs for a nightcap?...
She Really Means: Want to come upstairs and have sex?
When She Says: Just come upstairs for a drink..........
She Really Means: Maybe if I get you drunk you'll have sex with me.
When She Says: I love a man who takes charge...........
She Really Means: You're picking up the bill, aren't you?
When She Says: Be romantic...turn out the lights.......
She Really Means: I have flabby thighs.
