YOU ALWAYS HURT THE ONE YOU LOVE

Marion Pellicano Ambrose

I read a post on Facebook by a good friend. It read: “Why do people have to be so cruel?” She was talking about someone who was once a friend and colleague who has gone out of his way to say hurtful things simply to wound her. It made me wonder. What kind of person purposely says things to cause others pain? Then it came to me. Strangers don’t know enough about us to find our “weak” point, or something that would hurt. And even if they did happen upon a sensitive point, they’re strangers, so who cares? It’s only those who we have let get close to us in some way, those we care about, trust, and maybe even love, who can cause us this kind of pain.

So why so those we care about set out to injure us?  I believe that some people who tend to be cruel have it deeply seated in their nature. They’re mean hearted and just enjoy causing pain. Others are just manipulative and use insults and slurs to gain emotional control over another in order to get what they want. I also think some people hurt in exchange for what they feel was a hurt aimed at them.
Whatever the reason, it’s destructive and I’ve gleaned from personal experience that it’s something we must teach ourselves to put a stop to. In my learning process I tried to ignore the cruel remarks and inferences that were aimed at me by loved one. I reminded myself that the things he said weren’t true. I tried pointing that out, but realized that you can’t reason with an angry person while he’s angry. With my husband’s help and support I started to build a shield against the abuse I was receiving from this person. I hung up , walked away or deleted the message as soon as a negative comment was made. I regularly remind myself that others can only hurt me if I let them. I’ve chosen not to let them anymore. It also helps to remember the old song “You always hurt the one you love” so at least I know that this person loves me somewhere deep down!

There’s one sad truth in life I’ve found
While journeying east and west -
The only folks we really wound
Are those we love the best.
We flatter those we scarcely know,
We please the fleeting guest,
And deal full many a thoughtless blow
To those who love us best.

                                                                                          Ella Wheeler Wilcox


I hope the experience of working through this will make me a person who thinks before she speaks and will help me to refrain from saying anything that might cause pain to those I love. I hope it will inspire you to do the same.