WANNA LAUGH?!?!?!

 

Dawn Boyle

Oil Change for Women:

1. Drive into Jiffy Lube when the number thing reaches 3,000 miles since the last oil change.
2. Drink a cup of coffee , read free paper.
3. 15 minutes later, pay bill leave with a properly maintained vehicle.

Money spent:

• Oil Change: $40.00
• Coffee: $2.00
• Total: $42.00

Oil Change for Men:

1. Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree for $50.00.
2. Stop by the 7-11 and buy two cases of beer for $40, drive home.
3. Open a beer and drink it.
4. Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
5. Find jack stands in shed..
6. In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
7. Place drain pan under engine.
8. Look for  wrench.
9. Give up and use crescent wrench.
10. Unscrew drain plug.
11. Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on you in process. Curse and swear.
12. Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off face and arms. Throw kitty litter on spilled oil.
13. Have another beer while watching oil drain.
14. Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.
15. Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil filter and twist off.
16. Crawl out from under car with dripping oil filter splashing oil everywhere from holes.
17. Cleverly, hide old oil filter among trash in trash can.
18. Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface.
19. Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
20. Remember drain plug from step 11. Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
21. Drink beer.
22. Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor. Throw kitty litter on oil spill.
23. Get drain plug back in with only a minor spill. Drink beer.
24. Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with oily rag used to clean drain plug.
25. Slip with stupid crescent wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame removing any excess skin between knuckles and frame.
26. Begin swearing fit.
27. Throw stupid wrench.
28. Beer.
29. Clean up hands and bandage as required to stop blood flow.
30. Beer.
31. Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.
32. Beer.
33. Lower car from jack stands.
34. Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during any missed steps.
35. Beer.
36. Test drive car.
37. Get pulled over: arrested for driving drunk around the block from house.
38. Car is impounded.
39. Calls wife, make bail.
40. 12 hours later, get car from impound yard.

Money spent:

• Parts: $50.00
• DWI: $2500.00
• Impound fee: $75.00
• Bail: $1500.00
• Beer: $40.00
• Total: $4,185.00

But you know the job was done right!