I'm over it. Over the worrying and wondering. It never seems to go away. It is a curse of the "mature" midlife adult. It serves no purpose and yet at times it's practically impossible to dismiss. Practice being "Ms. Pollyanna Positive" all you want - (and I'm good at that!) - but it sneaks in. It might not even be in the forefront. Yet it dwells within you. My "worry monster" usually rears it's ugly head if I wake up during the night. My brain turns on with thoughts streaming though it worse then a gigantic meteor shower and not nearly as pretty. In fact it can be pretty ugly and becoming worse. Much like that buzzing in your ears, after a great concert or all night-er at a loud club way back when, that you can't turn it off.
It is said that more then 90% of what you worry about never happens. Human nature though, seems to refuse to let us rationalize that more often then not. Especially at times more practically used for other things like sleeping. Our worries transpose but they never seem to disappear. It's the kids, ailing parents, relationships, obligations, professional issues, finances, job cuts, personal health concerns or scares, etc. etc. etc... The list goes on and on. Most times it can be shaken off. At others, not so much. Those curve balls that life throws you seem to be ready to knock you square between they eyes and you can hardly muster the agility to duck. Yet life goes on. Changes. Morphs into the next great chapter. Complete with it's own set of worries. And joys! Let's focus there. Embrace the good and blessings that abound. Attitude is everything. It's the difference between feeling like you are lost in the dark and realizing that if it wasn't for the darkness one could never appreciate the beauty of the stars.
"Sometimes the best thing you can do is not think, not wonder, not imagine, not obsess. Just breathe and have faith that everything will work out for the best." - Author Unknown
Kind of sums up a few of my "Barbara-isms":
Breathe, just breath!
Change and faith are the only constants.
Keep the promises that you make to yourself!
The best is yet to come!
Here's something I wrote from a while back. An ironic and beautiful example of how the more things change, the more they stay the same - only different. LOL
Hakuna matata my friends, hakuna matata! XO
* * * * * * * * * * * * * *The power of Perspective
(Author's Note: Written February 2010)
A few mornings ago I hugged my boys goodbye, jetted out the door, and out of their sight exhaled with a heavy heart. Wondering if this would be the last "normal" goodbye for a while. Was it possible that the events forthcoming that morning could change my perspective of everything? Would my whole world feel different in a few hours? The thundering silence of my racing thoughts broken by the sound of my tears as I rushed to the appointment.
Sometimes despite our best efforts there is irony. Almost a year ago, I looked forty in the eye and decided to make changes. I adapted a healthier and more active lifestyle. Rededicated myself to and reinvented the girl who felt so alive when chasing my dreams. In recent months I have looked and felt better then I have in years, yet in the last five weeks I have spent more time with doctors and undergone more tests then I can count on two hands.
When summoned to the doctor's office for an immediate visit after numerous tests, there isn't any kind of warm fuzzy. The phone call struck a cord in me that stole the air out of my lungs. Welcome to another side effect of midlife - health scares.
It is difficult to muster the courage needed to channel your inner strength and to focus on the positive while sitting on a table, dressed in glorified paper towels, and waiting to sink your feet into stirrups while shivering. Then concentrate on the discussion of tumors, surgical procedures and options while feeling completely vulnerable and still dressed in the fashionless paper gown. Finally clothed, I sat with a tourniquet on my arm and watched the clear vial fill with the scarlet liquid that eventually may answer the cancer question.
Sometimes life throws you a curve ball. Worry is wasted energy! It does not prevent the sorrows or fears of tomorrow, but steals today's strength and joys. I'm choosing another route! Being empowered by pinpointing the positive and putting it in a prayerful place. Cast aside your worries - join me there!