I SAID IT OUT LOUD

Barbara Ward-Finneran

It wasn't long ago when smiles reigned on my face and I was consistently a sparkling eyed, the glass is half full kind of girl. I can't put my finger exactly on when, and certainly there's no date to circle, but somewhere on the way to my mid- life, despite my mostly happy existence, the milk spoiled.

That sour liquid has slid across the counter, dripped onto the floor - and I'd like to cry. But in the chaos of everyday life one would need to schedule time for a good cry. The tears must wait. Everything "important" can't be postponed, put off or pushed aside. In a moment like that the voice inside my head screams, "When did you lose control of your life?!" It echos into every fiber of my being. I knew I'd had enough.

The resurrection coincides with passing the sign stating "forty this way". Time to reclaim the path less chosen. Find the girl who felt alive when chasing a dream. Who would wear red opened toe FMP's just because, damn, they look good! The dulled eyed refection in the mirror rooted in practicality and reality - be gone. Ironically my life was good; loving husband, beautiful kids, a nice home and a decent job, (economic wage freezes and pay cuts aside of course). Yet, done with each today being a rerun of yesterday. Time to rescue my twenty-something optimism. "I want more, and only I can make that happen." There, I said it out loud.

Reacquainting myself with the girl who made things happen a nervousness overcame me that was exhilarating. Much like running into an old friend, those first moments being slightly awkward before slipping into the ease of familiarity.

The journey to forty seems to create questions. The jaunt to forty-something establishes the opportunity to embrace the answers. Life is a work of art in progress. Raise the bar. Envision new dreams and goals. Visualize your masterpiece and "make that happen". After all we are only half way there. Time enough to commission your own gallery show.

FInd the courage to "say it out loud".  Two years later... I'm so happy and proud that I did!

If I can do it... so can YOU!