IT'S A WICKED WORLD WHEN BULLYING KILLS (RE-POST: THE MISSING BLOGGER FILES...)

Marion Pellicano Ambrose


How many articles and books have been written about “Bullying” at school?  Too many!

Not that I disapprove of these books and articles; I disapprove of the lack of action on the part of principals, school superintendents, school boards and even teachers and other adults in the school setting to address and prevent bullying in schools. I say too many books and articles because we shouldn’t have to have so many written, we should take care of the problem!

Many schools have initiated “Bullying Programs “which consist of hanging posters, and listing anti bullying rules. Some have even tried to teach victims to be more assertive, but too few have actually set up definite, enforceable guidelines, consequences and effective education programs to arm the victims, enkindle awareness in the teachers and administration and identify and deal with the bullies. Zero Tolerance policies have proven to be totally ineffective and have at times hurt the innocent more than the guilty.

Over the last several years, statistics have been kept regarding bullying. What used to be “name calling” and “teasing” has developed into mental, physical, verbal and cyber bullying. The bullies and the victims have become harder to identify. Some are the nice, smart, polite kids in the class. Others are the academically slow,the great athletes,the kid from a broken home or a seemingly perfect one. It can be anyone! It’s not always the popular, rich kid like in the movies! Even confident, beautiful Princess Kate Middleton was bullied as a child.  She is now a very vocal proponent of bullying prevention.    

(Read more: http://www.chicagonow.com/blogs/portrait_of_an_adoption/2011/04/even-princesses-get-bullied.html#ixzz1LoyIwJC2 )

Famous cases have come into public view over the past few years. The name Columbine still evokes fear and anxiety in many people’s minds.  Boys who were being bullied, sought help and were ignored, finally reached their limit, and the result was tragic.

In September of 2010 a young girl, who had recently moved to the US from Ireland, started high school in Massachusetts. She was immediately the target of relentless bullying. Northwestern District Attorney Elizabeth Scheibel said 15-year-old Phoebe Prince was stalked and harassed constantly from September until she killed herself January 14^th by hanging herself in her room.

Six teens , four girls and two boys , faced charges including statutory rape, assault, violation of civil rights resulting in injury, criminal harassment, disturbance of a school assembly and stalking. Three younger girls faced delinquency charges. What happened?  Last week, five teenagers charged in the Prince case admitted in court that they participated in her bullying. In plea deals with prosecutors, they received probation and were ordered to perform community service. If they successfully complete their probation, the charges will be dropped. A statutory rape charge against a sixth teenager was dropped.

Another big news story: 18 year old Tyler Clementi was a talented violinist and A student at Rutgers University. He jumped off the George Washington Bridge into the Hudson River after his roommate and the roommate’s girlfriend allegedly used a webcam to spy on him while having sex with another male student and broadcasting it. What happened?  The roommate, Dharun Ravi, was indicted last month on 15 charges, including a bias intimidation (acting because Clementi was gay). That charge could send him to prison for up to 10 years. The other student, Molly Wei, entered into a plea deal with authorities to cooperate in the case against Ravi. She will enter an intervention program. Under the program, two invasion of privacy charges will be dropped if Wei complies with a series of conditions.

Unfortunately, I could list many more stories, some involving children as young as 3^rd or 4^th grade! In each of these cases, the victims reported that they were being bullied, didn’t want to return to school, and felt no one could or would help them.

So what’s to be done? I’ve done a lot of research and have found several sources that provide good information and advice. Besides that, I believe that parents, teachers, and school administrators need to be thoroughly trained in how to recognize bullying, depression, and anxiety in students, as well as definite steps to take to stop it cold and even prevent it from happening whenever possible. No one can completely stop bullying, but we can be educated and aware to minimize it and its effects on our children. Children too, need to be educated and shown to identify the characteristics of both bullies and victims so they might diagnose themselves as one or the other (or even both) and seek assistance.
Questions I think parents should ask the school:

What bullying program is in place at my child’s school?                                                           
How is it implemented in each grade?                                                                                        
Have teachers and administrators received training for the program?                                         
Is there an advisor or guidance counselor who checks on students and who they can go to privately with problems or concerns?                                                                                        
What specific rules and consequences deal with bullying? Are they listed in the handbook?    
And most importantly: Are these rules enforced?                                                                      
Don’t be afraid to ask questions like: “What happens if a student is found guilty of cyber-bullying?” or any other kind of bullying.

You must be your children’s advocate. LISTEN (Don’t brush it off as “all kids go through this”.) and then ACT. If the bullying doesn’t stop, ACT LOUDER!  If the school is still unable to stop the bullying, hire a shadow for your child, remove him from the school or seek professional and/or legal assistance.
 This is my advice as a teacher and a mother of a child who was tormented by a teacher in elementary school (who I sought to have fired but only succeeded in having him transferred and barred from special ed) and was bullied so badly by other students in High School by having them throw apples at him and jeer. Finally one day he fought to defend himself when he was cornered and “jumped” in full view of a School Resource Officer. Even though the officer testified in his defense, my son was expelled for fighting! I went to the school board with our psychologist and our lawyer. Instead of being expelled, he was transferred to another school and the county provided a bus that transported him door to door. No other students rode this bus! His record remained clear when they originally would have sent him to abeyance school and had an expulsion on his record.

Being an advocate is no easy job! It takes education, practice and patience. Cursing, making empty threats or bad mouthing the school will not help your child. Get the facts, seek professional advice, communicate with your child and act in a responsible, civilized manner. It can be maddening, frustrating and you may well want to come to physical blows yourself, but remember that your child will learn how to deal with problems by your example.

Below please find some websites that might help you begin to understand this critical problem.

http://kidshealth.org/kid/feeling/emotion/bullies.html

http://www.stopbullying.gov/topics/what_is_bullying/index.html

http://www.education.com/topic/school-bullying-teasing/

http://newsinfo.iu.edu/news/page/normal/1333.html

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0470407018/ref=pd_lpo_k2_dp_sr_1?pf_rd_p=486539851&pf_rd_s=lpo-top-stripe-1&pf_rd_t=201&pf_rd_i=0765704757&pf_rd_m=ATVPDKIKX0DER&pf_rd_r=10TZ4Y6KGBEPJ4F1DEYT

http://bullyinglte.wordpress.com/

http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_ss_i_1_19?url=search-alias%3Dstripbooks&field-keywords=stop+bullying+bobby&sprefix=stop+bullying+bobby

Coming soon: DRL will reprint an excellent article by KidPower on tips for parents!