Revenge of the Redneck Mommy

Marion Pellicano Ambrose

I love living in the South!  I love grits with my eggs, biscuits and gravy and sweet tea!  I love hearing “yes ma’am” and “y’all”. I was born and raised in New York and can appreciate the culture and diversity of a big city, but give me the country any day! Somehow the trees are greener, the skies bluer, and with puffy white clouds floating way up high, not streaky gray ones that feel like they’re pressing down on me. The fields of cattle grazing and horses munching on the grass give me a feeling of freedom. It makes me want to live closer to nature and forget about the social graces; the intricacies of social interaction in metropolis! I want to wear my jeans and boots, go fishin’ with my husband and enjoy the life of a country girl!

I recently read some articles written by a lady named Tanis Miller, who calls herself “The Redneck Mommy”. Her blog is a humorous and insightful look at the joys of parenting, the delights of marriage and the heartbreak of losing a child. Her blog has been featured on CNN, The Globe and Mail and in a variety of Canadian daily newspapers. Attack of the Redneck Mommy™ won the Best Canadian Blog award in the 2010 and 2008 Bloggies. I checked her list below and my sister in New York will be happy to know that while I’m a country girl, I did not qualify as a Redneck Mommy! I’ll have to keep working on that!

Here’s Tanis’ List:

YOU MIGHT BE A REDNECK MOMMY IF…

• You often "forget" to brush your kids' teeth twice a day but tell the dentist that you do, then look thoughtfully surprised when he mentions "excess plaque on the back molars."  Huh? Really? You don't say.
• You could eat Spam in some shape or form every day from atop musubi to fried to cut into strips and added into instant ramen. (Feel free to substitute "hot dogs"  or "Vienna sausage" for "Spam.")
• Speaking of mystery meat, one of your kid's favorite snacks are Slim Jims.
• You've reached for a beer when a soda would do, but it was a light beer so that's almost the same.
• You've sprayed on perfume instead of taking a shower. (Applies to your kids, too.)
• You've hung a shirt in the shower instead of ironing it. And smelled it first to make sure it was clean.
• You've put less than $5-worth of gas in your car...
• Or paid for groceries with loose change .
• Your kids stumbled upon inappropriate television content and you let them watch it because you were busy Twittering.
• Your kids have chosen their own mismatched, multilayered outfits since they were 2 and you like it that way because as long as they are wearing clothes you don't care.
• You've spied a cute, forgotten jacket on the playground and contemplated taking it home. Or did.
• You tell your kids that naughty kids live on Alcatraz without their parents. And they believe you.
• You start using Santa Claus to encourage good behavior the day after Labor Day.
• You've borrowed money from your kids' piggy bank.
•  You cut your kid's hair so you didn't have to brush it.
• You can make a wholesome dinner with a can of tuna as the central ingredient.
• You wait until the kids are in bed to eat dessert.
• You go to McDonald's more often than you would ever admit.
• Your library fines equal your cable bill.