SEX VS. INTIMACY

Marion Pellicano Ambrose

In our society there is so much emphasis placed on the actual act of sexual intercourse. Movies, commercials, magazines, TV, everywhere you turn, it always begins and ends with sex. Don’t get me wrong, I think sex is wonderful, but it’s not the be all and end all in a relationship.

Passion is the quickest to develop, and the quickest to fade. Intimacy develops more slowly, and commitment more gradually still. -Robert Sternberg

To me, the most important element of a long term, successful relationship between people is intimacy. Intimacy is really a deep knowing and understanding of another person. It’s being comfortable and feeling safe with that person. It isn’t just confined to marriages or other relationships which involve sex. It is much deeper and broader than sex.

I'm certain that most couples expect to find intimacy in marriage, but it somehow eludes them. - James Dobson

Intimacy is not easy. As a matter of fact it’s hard work. It also involves taking risks. With intimacy we give our hearts and bear our souls to another, giving them the power to hurt us. But the rewards are great. To be truly known, loved, accepted, and valued by another living being is the most gratifying feeling in the world.

There are many ways to share intimacy in a relationship.

1.Human Contact; holding hands, snuggling, sitting side by side, “softing” one’s hair or gently rubbing one’s back. We do this with our children, our spouse, other loved ones.

2. Sharing: conversation, feelings, frustrations, joys, funny stories, as well as dessert, memories and activities. Didn’t your mom always give the bigger piece of pie to you?

3. Giving: kindness, patience, trust, encouragement and love; Showing sensitivity to the moods, experiences and feelings of another.

There are hundreds of ways we share intimacy with people we care about. In any relationship it’s a vital element, but I believe it’s even more so in a marriage. Many couples have sex without intimacy and miss out on the most amazing experience of a lifetime! Many couples have intimacy without sex (whether it’s because of health, hormones, or other reasons) and are happy, content and satisfied. Of course, the ideal is to be able to have both, but if I had to choose just one, intimacy would win hands down!
When I attained a certain advanced intimacy with a man, and I don't just mean sex, I married him. -Hedy Lamarr