WHEN FORTY FEEL LIKE SIXTEEN

DRL is thrilled to introduce our newest contributor...
Michele Rohyans

Starting out in a new relationship is always an adventure. Before we begin, I want to make it clear that this is not a bitter piece; in fact, it is very much the opposite.  This is a piece about the joy of opening your heart just when you were pretty sure you were OK with life just as it was...

When you are in your teens romantic love is a completely new concept, and you rush in, as you do most things at that age, with the assurance that there is no way anything painful will result...until it does. However, young hearts, most young hearts anyway, are quick to heal. Soon you are off and running again down that dangerous, twisting, rocky, hilly path, at break neck speed, forgetting that just a short time ago one of those emotional trees rose up in the middle of the path (when you were least expecting it of course) and SMACK! You went down with a thump as one of the lower limbs skewered your heart breaking it into a million pieces (melodramatic I know, but that is how things are when you are in your teens). Yet, and at the time it is really not what you want to hear, this is “puppy love” and like training wheels on a bicycle serves to prepare us for the next phase which is love in the twenties.

I found love in my twenties to be very much like love in my teens actually, however instead of that dangerous twisting path lasting for weeks, or even months; it lasted for multiple years, took far longer for me to recover, and had new and exciting hormonal elements. Love in your twenties finds him saying things like; “we donʼt need wedding rings (flowers, candy, etc) to prove we love each other.” That phrase incidentally also finds its way into other areas like Valentineʼs Day, Christmas, anniversaries (oh yes, the twenty something love is big on anniversaries, first date, first kiss, first time...you held hands), or any other gift giving occasion where romance is equated to flowers, candy, or a gift of any kind. For her love in the twenties means that she cannot walk past a baby without her entire reproductive system screaming; “I WANT ONE.” Thus, for so many, love in the twenties results in May and June (other months too) brides and grooms who ride off into the sunset never to be heard from again.

Now, love in the thirties finds many of the same issues as love in the teens and twenties, yet it also finds something else; faults, mostly with the other person. The training wheels are now completely removed, you no longer run through the dangerous, twisting, rocky, tree filled path at break neck speed (now you travel a respectable five miles over the speed limit instead). You begin to compile “the list;” that collection of traits the other person must have in order to be right for you. However, you fail to see that in order for anyone to fulfill all of the criteria on “the list” he, or she, would have to have a name like Storm, Bianca, Chase, or any other similar sounding name popular to daytime TV or Marvel Comics. Also, love in the thirties finds his idea of the perfect body to be perfect so long as the mirror only reflects from the shoulder up, is in the gym as he lifts weights that are far too heavy, or is the reflection from the eyes of a female twenty-something. For her the perfect body can only be achieved by hours of endless diets, sessions with a personal trainer, or plastic surgery that makes Barbie look short and stout. Though this sounds mighty bleak, rest assured it is a very necessary step towards love in the forties.

Ah, now we are getting somewhere. Love in the forties, though new to me feels like I may be on the brink of getting it right. After reaching the conclusion that I was really OK with life as it has been unfolding WHACK! I turned a corner and there was another forty-something who seems to have walked straight out of my thoughts... First dates are bound to have awkward silences, uncomfortable moments, and end with the insecure feelings of: “did my breath smell too bad? Ugh! is that REALLY what my hair looks like? WHAT HAPPENED TO MY CAREFULLY APPLIED EYE LINER?” However, these potentially deal breaking monsters take on an almost humorous twist in ones forties. Yes, it rained after I had spent three hours straightening my extremely curly hair. Yes, I had bought normal, not waterproof mascara which ran in the rain clear down to my kneecaps, and yes, I did leave the ladies room with toilette paper stuck to the bottom of my shoe. Yet, we talked through the awkward silences, walked arm in arm through the rain until we decided that choosing a movie was easier than picking a restaurant, and as for the toilette paper on my shoe it disintegrated in the rain. 

However, the best part of love in the forties seems, so far, to be the sparkle in both of your eyes as you gaze at one another that would be more fitting in the eyes of a sixteen year old... after all, that is just how you both feel!