REVOKE MY LICENSE PLEASE!

Barbara Ward-Finneran
Never thought I'd joke about that after last year's fiasco of having my license suspended do to a clerical error with the hyphen in my name.  It was so NOT funny.  But I'm not talking about my drivers license.  I'd like to request that my "responsible adult" license be revoked?!  PLEASE!  For a few days, a day, a hour. In a way that is more effective then playing ostrich with your head in the sand.  Or running away to an evening of GNO with adult beverages and or desserts. Or having a date night in a child free zone.  Or spending a little time in some sort of fantasyland that you fancy.  All effective in their own ways - but none of those good times make "it" go away!  You get stolen moments of forgetting the world and it's realities.  Fleeting occasions to escape what overwhelms you, but cannot be ignored.  At least not for any real length of time with out things coming crashing down. As a responsible adult it is our job to prevent those crashes in all arenas of our life.  At all costs. At times even at your own expense.  


Yes, I am having one of those, "Make it Stop" evenings.  It'll pass... it always does.  I'm certain I'll be back to "Soul Food" and my "Miss Mary Sunshine" in no time at all...

However in the meantime, I'm going to say, ARGGGGGGG!  And, additionally give myself permission to have a cup of something cold and creamy from the freezer and drown my sorrows with some Hershey's syrup.  I call it "something" because I only keep the type of dairy desert in the house that doesn't constantly scream my name.  Only the decadence of certain name brands get the respect being ice creams that are worth the calories.  I will however compose enough control to not drive to Seven Eleven and purchase a pint to polish off in a single sitting.  Yes, I know it won't fix a damned thing.  I also know I'm having a moment and not an relapse of an emotional eating disaster.  I can allow myself a moment.  I can even allow myself a good cry if needed. I know it'll all be okay.  If not tomorrow, then soon.  As for tomorrow... I'll catch you then, after I go have my moment.  Since my license can't be revoked, and reality will be there in the morning, I'll settle for a fleeting moment.  After all, I'm positive, that they don't make "it" all go away - but they certainly give us time to regroup. Embrace whatever momentary escapes you can when you can! Whipped cream anyone???

HAPPY FATHER'S DAY!

 

BLESSINGS TO ALL THE FATHERS... 

To all the men who know being a Daddy is about love and actions.  It's about hanging the moon and stars and being an everyday unsung hero for all the right reasons. 

KUDOS TO YOU ALL!

EROTICA ANYONE?!?!

I wouldn't dream of stepping on Jillian's stilettos, but the term "mommy porn" in Tony's He Said, got my wheels turning too. I haven't read any of the Fifty Shades trilogy except for a few excerpts and was less than impressed with the writing. I never got to the kinky scenes which seem to be behind the books enormous popularity. I just don't understand why this is news and has brought about this term "mommy porn." Erotica has been around for a long time, anyone remember Anais Nin anymore? How about "the Story of O" or "Nine and a Half Weeks." It's not new. There's a long history of women reading and writing erotica. Some of us are really into it. This is a secret?

What about all those romance novels out there? The ones with the shirtless muscular men and women is various stages of undress. Those don't end with a chaste kiss like a Jane Austen novel. How many of us read "Forever" by Judy Blume? Let me rephrase that, how many us of just read that part of "Forever?" I don't think I even had kissed a boy when I read it. Yet I related to the longing, the fear of someone being more sexually experienced, and whether sex is a physical act or a romantic act. I wanted it to be both.

What makes erotica different from porn? Simple, there are characters. Maybe not always well-written or believable ones (Christian Grey, I'm looking at you), but actually characters with names and personalities. They have (gasp) feelings and ideas. There is a plot. Most porn is mainly directed at men. There is no plot, no character development. Many times the women are degraded, nameless fantasy f*ck dolls come to life. The woman is an object, there to service a man or men. There are no thoughts in her head and no one would care if there was. Sometimes it crosses over into violence. How would that be a turn on?

Sex can be kinky, it can push boundaries. Yet you have to feel safe within that situation. There is sex and there is romance which can include sex. Women, not just mommies, embrace their sexuality. Perhaps, these novels are letting them know they are not alone.

It's not news to me.
- The Good Girl

SHE SAID... "MOMMY PORN", SERIOUSLY???

Jillian B. Hart
HMMMMMM...... "Mommy Porn",  REALLY? Is that what you (and or "they") are calling it, Tony?  At least that's what I read in your latest "He Said". 
Let me think of what I want to say here... I'll be back...


Friday June 16, 2012
Alright --- Truth be told - Life got in the way, as usual my return took way longer then anticipated.  With a little luck it makes you miss me more...  


Where was I?!



"Mommy Porn", Seriously.  That emanates a bit like a backhanded compliment.  Kinda like MILF, it all depends on the way you say it and rarely coming across with the right je ne sais quoi.  (Although occasionally can make one blush in all the right ways and can be complimentary.) There is a difference between porn and erotica and that's the thing that guys often miss.  There's absolutely nothing wrong with the right dash of erotica.  However all too often the man in your life suffers from ADD...  bringing home "Another Disastrous DVD"! Come on now! There is a difference, a big difference (and yes size matters! ...Sorry could help myself!) between erotica and porn... any porn.  


I'm always up for an evening or any other time of day that has wild sparks that ignite to uncontrollable flames. Erotica builds that fire.  It creates connection.  I'll watch, listen, read --- Hell, I write my own and enjoy it.  Most of us hunger for that connection.  Therein lies the difference - the disconnect vs. the connection.  Not that there isn't positives to be found from a mind blowing f*ck... but for the long term - connections and emotions count.  Many women don't "connect" to porn. Yet erotica has emotion and connection.  That's what gets our engines racing. If you get your woman all revved up before the flag I guarantee that the final finish will be fabulous! Isn't that the point of watching and or reading something spicy together? To whet you appetite in the fantasy for the real thing. To bring fantasy into your reality! No matter how good a girl you are if you want fireworks  "in the bedroom", if you like your reality with a healthy serving of fantasyland on the side, ALWAYS pack at least a little NAUGHTY WITH YOUR NICE!  Sometime the more the better. Erotica of any kind can help take your "lady" there. If you do that - winners all around. The more you win, the more you want to play. 


I was really prepared to get into quite a bit if a rant here... (Oh, wait I did, a little one, LOL), until I got a message from one of my "besties", The Good Girl.  She took the words right out of my mouth.  So I'll stop now and let her go strutting in my stilettos.  


I'll catch ya on the next one, Tony baby! Ha! I'll give you a great big rant then... hehehehe ;)

HE SAID... MOMMY PORN

Tony Walker

What's with this 50 Shades Of Gray $hit?
I haven't read the book, or books, whatever it is.... but everyone says it's "Mommy porn." A term I hate by the way.
What makes the "porn" in this book more acceptable than actual porn?
Why is it ok for this book to be "mommy porn" but the videos I watch on YouPorn frowned upon?
Have you ladies been into porn all this time? If so why don't you sit & watch some with your man? Your man would LOVE IT!!! Some of you may even convince your man to watch "He's Just Not That Into You" & all the other chick flicks if you sit & watch some porn with him!!!
Someone explain this to me please. Better yet.... grab some red wine, come over to my house, kick off your shoes, climb into bed with me & read 50 Shades Of Gray to me!!!!

TWO YEARS LATER, HINDSIGHT IS 20/20

Barbara Ward-Finneran
I'm over it.  Over the worrying and wondering.  It never seems to go away.  It is a curse of the "mature" midlife adult.  It serves no purpose and yet at times it's practically impossible to dismiss. Practice being "Ms. Pollyanna Positive" all you want - (and I'm good at that!) - but it sneaks in.  It might not even be in the forefront.  Yet it dwells within you.  My "worry monster" usually rears it's ugly head if I wake up during the night.  My brain turns on with thoughts streaming though it worse then a gigantic meteor shower and not nearly as pretty.  In fact it can be pretty ugly and becoming worse.  Much like that buzzing in your ears, after a great concert or all night-er at a loud club way back when, that you can't turn it off.  

It is said that more then 90% of what you worry about never happens.  Human nature though, seems to refuse to let us rationalize that more often then not.  Especially at times more practically used for other things like sleeping.  Our worries transpose but they never seem to disappear.  It's the kids, ailing parents, relationships, obligations, professional issues, finances, job cuts, personal health concerns or scares, etc. etc. etc... The list goes on and on.  Most times it can be shaken off.   At others, not so much.  Those curve balls that life throws you seem to be ready to knock you square between they eyes and you can hardly muster the agility to duck.  Yet life goes on.  Changes. Morphs into the next great chapter.  Complete with it's own set of worries.  And joys!  Let's focus there. Embrace the good and blessings that abound.  Attitude is everything.  It's the difference between feeling like you are lost in the dark and realizing that if it wasn't for the darkness one could never appreciate the beauty of the stars.  


"Sometimes the best thing you can do is not think, not wonder, not imagine, not obsess.  Just breathe and have faith that everything will work out for the best." - Author Unknown


Kind of sums up a few of my "Barbara-isms":
Breathe, just breath!
Change and faith are the only constants.
Keep the promises that you make to yourself!
The best is yet to come!


Here's something I wrote from a while back.  An ironic and beautiful example of how the more things change, the more they stay the same - only different.  LOL 
Hakuna matata my friends, hakuna matata! XO

* * * * * * * * * * * * * *

The power of Perspective

(Author's Note: Written February 2010) 

A few mornings ago I hugged my boys goodbye, jetted out the door, and out of their sight exhaled with a heavy heart.  Wondering if this would be the last "normal" goodbye for a while.  Was it possible that the events forthcoming that morning could change my perspective of everything? Would my whole world feel different in a few hours? The thundering silence of my racing thoughts broken by the sound of my tears as I rushed to the appointment.

Sometimes despite our best efforts there is irony.  Almost a year ago, I looked forty in the eye and decided to make changes.  I adapted a healthier and more active lifestyle. Rededicated myself to and reinvented the girl who felt so alive when chasing my dreams.  In recent months I have looked and felt better then I have in years, yet in the last five weeks I have spent more time with doctors and undergone more tests then I can count on two hands.  

When summoned to the doctor's office for an immediate visit after numerous tests, there isn't any kind of warm fuzzy.  The phone call struck a cord in me that stole the air out of my lungs.  Welcome to another side effect of midlife - health scares.

It is difficult to muster the courage needed to channel your inner strength and to focus on the positive while sitting on a table, dressed in glorified paper towels, and waiting to sink your feet into stirrups while shivering.  Then concentrate on the discussion of tumors, surgical procedures and options while feeling completely vulnerable and still dressed in the fashionless paper gown.  Finally clothed, I sat with a tourniquet on my arm and watched the clear vial fill with the scarlet liquid that eventually may answer the cancer question. 

Sometimes life throws you a curve ball.  Worry is wasted energy!  It does not prevent the sorrows or fears of tomorrow, but steals today's strength and joys.  I'm choosing another route! Being empowered by pinpointing the positive and putting it in a prayerful place.  Cast aside your worries - join me there!

TO THE GRADUATES... AND TO THE MID-LIFERS

Barbara Ward-Finneran
Is where you are going predestined?  Is it written in the stars? Can we wish for it on moonbeams? Or do we make our fate by creating our dreams? 

Having taught children for the greater part of two decades I believe we forge a journey by developing our gifts and fostering our desires by using all that we are to the best of our abilities.  I am blest to have assisted and mentored many along their journey to young adulthood. In some cases even beyond.  I have had too many children to count, two of them "my own" and have honestly loved them all.  As an art teacher, I get to watch my students grow from pre-schoolers to middle schoolers and build relationship with them along the way each year.  It's a beautiful process that I will forever treasure.  I recently watched my 18th group of 8th graders graduate.  At graduation some are happy to leave and others fight back tears.  An emotional situation that follows most of us through all the great changes in our lives.  Change is bittersweet.  Those forks in the road where we pause to ponder before moving forward leave us cherishing the past while excited and scared for the future.  As we age the sweet successes get mixed up with memories of where we may of zigged when we should of zagged.  Never regrets.  But, perhaps a wonderment of what might have been.  If your are lucky, never wishing what is to be different.  Mistakes, risks and dreams help to shape this adventure we call living. All of it it though, good, bad, indifferent and rock bottom - always a part of who you are today.  To everything there is a season and seasons change.  Each step part of your journey to the next destination.  


When we are "all grown up" it's sometimes easier to be scared and safe then face the adventure fearlessly.  Somewhere along your travels you relinquish the ability to just let go and throw your hands in the air and have faith that the wild ride will end with you still safely buckled in longing for the next thrill.  Is it wisdom? Responsibility? Stupidity?  A combination thereof and so much more.  


Graduations are official - you know it's time for change.  It's an ending of a beginning. Those signs of change aren't always so obviously marked later in life.  Yet many an inspiring word from a graduation could be applied when you face a path that is divided and aren't sure which road to take. Those speeches encourage and empower you.  Words that we should allow to echo in out minds and hearts whenever we are faced with change, challenges and choices.  


Change has been a pretty constant "theme" in my recent posts.  It's what is swirling around me in recent weeks and I cannot escape it.  Nor, am I ready to specifically define it. I will watch more graduations at the school I love, yet it might not ever be in the same capacity as years gone past. It is yet to be decided.  I have yet to decide.  As I plan and ponder what is to be written on the next page - I am lucky that when reflecting on my own writings I find inspiration and faith.  That which makes me know and believe that the best is yet to come.  


Last year I received the ultimate compliment of being chosen by the graduating class to speak to them at graduation.  Below I share that reflection with you.  I dedicate it to all of my graduates, past and present... and to the graduate in all of us - who needs a little reminder that no matter where we are in the journey, or the bumps in the road --- that we will grow and change and once again --- "come into our own"!  


"Decide that you want it more then you are afraid of it." 
- Bill Cosby

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Graduates, I am both humbled and honored to be asked to speak to you tonight.  I have been blest to know you since your first days at HNJ, no matter what year you joined our family of friends.  I have been privileged to know you when you were little enough to discover that scissors really do cut hair and small enough to climb in my lap and tell me “My kind heart ‘got’ broken”.  I’ve watched you grow through paintings and drawings as well as giggles and tears.  We have shared moments of, “Hands on your head, Hands on your shoulders”, to “Come on, it’s time to settle down", to, “How are you?”  Tell me how things are going”.  I’ve seen you transition from white shirts to blue shirts, and from seat sacks to lockers.  I can recall bundles of nerves that first week of middle school and helping with combination locks, assuring you things would get easier, that you’d come into your own.

Before me now, I no longer see small children.  You are an amazing, vibrant group of young ladies and gentlemen who have come into their own at HNJ. Who have become leaders, athletes, artists and scholars.  Who have used their talents and gifts to reach this marvelous milestone called graduation.  

Accomplishment such as this can be bittersweet.  Amidst this joy and excitement there comes change and the unknown.  No one is safe from the effects of change.  It is part of life and life changes.  We learn to embrace change and accept that love remains.  You have been loved here at HNJ.  That love fills our hearts, overflows our soul with happiness, and engraves the mind with memories.  It will be with you wherever your life takes you. 

Life is an amazing wondrous gift from our Lord above.  It has been given to us and we are free to create ourselves to our limitless potential all while reflecting His image and likeness.  Your life and your talents are God’s gift to you, what you do with those talents is your gift to the Father.   I challenge you to aspire to use the gift of your limitless potential.  Dream.  Wish. Wonder.  Hope.  Believe.  Pray.  The canvas before you is white washed new and you have the ability to create the masterpiece you desire.  God created each one of you and you are enough.  You matter.  You make a difference.  You can be everything you desire.  The power is within you to direct your journey and create your own dreams.  No matter what your stage, make your performance based in kindness and have your interactions reflect love.  Allow Jesus to shine through your accomplishments.  Breathe Him in and always breathe out His love.

As you leave these hallways behind, and embark on your newest adventure, I wish I could promise you it will be easy.  That you’ll not have hard or dark times. Just know, that it is only because the darkness can we appreciate the beauty of the stars. I assure you - You will come into your own!” Hold fast to memories and the love they go with you always.  In the words of Dr. Seuss, Do not cry because it’s over, Smile because it happened.  

I love you all. You inspire me!

SOUL FOOD

Barbara Ward-Finneran

Nothing will change, until you decide what needs to be changed. You must face what is needed to be done in order to commit to doing it! 

In the process you may lose some things - but it is nothing compared to what you have the ability to gain!   

Keep the promises that you make to yourself!

©  All Rights Reserved

REMEMBERING THE DRIVE-IN

Marion Pellicano Ambrose

If you use GOOGLE as your search engine, you probably say today’s “doodle” which celebrates the opening of the first drive in theater on June 6, 1933, during the “Golden Age of Cinema”. Seeing the doodle brought back so many memories for me.

I remember being so excited that my family was going to the movies! My mom got us into our warm pajamas and we set up blankets and pillows in the back seat of our 1957 Ford Fairlane 500. It was torture waiting for it to get dark, but the sun finally set and we drove out to the huge field that was the Drive in Theater, in Walden , New York.

I can hardly remember any of the movies we saw at the drive in, just flashes of memory: a tiny man fighting a huge spider with a needle, a cowboy tied to a wagon wheel by indians, and John Wayne. I’m sure we saw several John Wayne movies since my dad was a big fan. What I do have a crystal clear picture of is the drive in itself. I can see the poles we parked  by, on a mound of dirt. On each pole was a gray, metal contraption that piped the sound of the movie into our car when we attached it to a partially rolled down window. I remember having to drive over 2 or 3 mounds trying speakers until we found one that worked. Once the movie started, the crackly sound filled the car and all eyes were on the gigantic screen at the front of the lot.

I can still recall the thrill of going to the refreshment stand with my father at Intermission. There were hamburgers, hot dogs and other treats pre-made and in silver foil wrappers. Ice cream, candy, popcorn, and soda were also available and placed in cardboard trays to be carried back to the car. There was also a children’s playground for kids to burn a little energy during intermission.

After intermission, the movie began again.  This is about all can remember. Being 6 or 7 at the time,I never got to see the end of a single movie because, I always fell asleep. All I recall is waking up in my bed the next morning, having been carried safely by my dad and lovingly tucked in by my mom. I don’t know what I felt then, but today as I think of it, I feel overwhelming love and gratitude to my parents for giving me this kind of childhood. I wish I had remembered moments like this while they were still here so I could have told them.

The era of drive in movies has passed, but there are still many ways parents can share moments with their children that will create these same type of nostalgic, treasured memories. I tried to create them for my children and to my great joy, my daughter talks about her favorite memories of our excursions from when she was little. It’s my greatest hope that, when I’m gone, she and my son will continue to remember and cherish these special family moments, and know how much they were loved.

 

*For those of you who are too young to remember the Drive-In Movie, take a look at GOOGLE’s  little movie celebrating the anniversary of the first Drive-In.

http://img.ibtimes.com/www/articles/20120606/349227_opening-first-drive-theater-movies-google-doodle.htm

SHE SAID... Sanity in the Summertime = Playtime

Barbara Ward-Finneran
Summertime is the biggest blessing.  Laid back days to stay up late and sleep in until morning is practically over when desired.  Time to frolic in the sun and play with friends.  Extra hours for reading, games and lots of laughter.  Pure bliss except when interrupted by that dreaded sentence... "Mom, I'm bored".

I'm very lucky it's not a sentence that frequents my boys lips.  A combination of creativeness, "Camp Mommy", and sibling camaraderie as well as being a house where "all the kids" can play keep it at bay at our place.  Yet just a little over a week into summer here where I live, and  I have friends who are already over hearing it.  (Yes, I know, my northern peeps - envious as you are because you are still in school - talk to us in early August when we are back in session already!)  Many solve this issue by offering up random chores or yard work that's just begging to be done and dreaded by all.  Still others spring into mission impossible Mom style by finding all kinds of wonderful ways to ward off the dreaded doldrums of our kids having too much time on their hands.  


I adore my mom and admire all that she taught me and how she raised me.  But truth be told, I don't recall her, or the other moms in my life when I grew up entertaining us. At least not regularly.   One of the reasons I swear by the "more the merrier" rule.  The more kids that are hanging out playing the more fun there is to be had by all - without me needed to conduct the fun train.  When I was a kid, we had to play.  Outside.  Rain, shine, heat and snow - outside you'd go.  Endless hours with the neighborhood kids 'til the street lights came on.  

Wanna keep your sanity this summer?  Dare I say, plan some time to just play.  For your kids and for yourself - alone and with them.  Spend time together without the coordinated distraction of events, activities and electronics.  Unplug and find some ways to stir up some good old fashion (and might I mention free - to quote my cousin - "free" is my favorite four letter F word!) fun.  Make forts in the living room, take a walk even when it might be 100 degrees in the shade - the AC will be there when you get back and you'll appreciate it more.  Make ice pops in paper cups, build sandcastles by the beach, collect sea shells, beat the pants off them in staring contests, and play "war" until you can't stand to see those cards anymore. You can always end the game by throwing in the towel with "52 Pick Up".  Laugh and have fun.  Moments that make memories help you keep your sanity and it's cheaper then therapy.  And when that runs thin...  schedule some playtime for yourself with your gal pals and or with your honey.  Recharge your battery, reconnect, read a good book, and even "wine" down once and a while if necessary. Make time for playtime and you'll not lose your mind but rather have the times of your life.  Taking in the smiles, love and laughter... that's what really matters. That's what keeps us sane.  In the really big scheme of things - nothing else matters.  “Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.”