Tony Walker
Nothing makes a parent shake with anger more then when injustice or unkindness happens to your child.
This past Friday was the school play at my daughter's middle school. We were so excited to see our daughter because she is autistic and had no friends in the play with her. A big characteristic of autism is a lack of social skills so there was no chance she was going to approach anyone in hopes of striking a friendship. She didn't have a big part... she was a chorus member, extra, whatever you call it but by getting up in front of all those people was a big step for our girl, we were so proud.
We've been fortunate that our school district has some excellent academic programs for kids like our daughter. But the social skills programs have been subpar. The elementary school she went to in the district was wonderful but the other schools don't have much to offer.
So there we are at the school play. Our girl and all the kids did a very nice job. I felt that this was pretty impressive for a middle school production. Then came the end of the show. There were many kids in this show so they were all taking their bows in groups, 6 to 8 kids in a line holding hands and bowing together. The group our daughter is in comes up. The kids block our daughter and took their bow. Our daughter stood behind them and bowed, totally blocked from view. This wonderful experience is now ruined. We praised her when we saw her afterwards but our hearts were broken. We were so pissed.
I'm not writing this to cry to you about this situation. I am writing this because I have a question for all you parents of "typical" children. Do you talk to your kids about kids like mine? Do you try to make your kids understand and accept them? The reason kids avoid kids like mine is because they don't understand and are fearful. It's been this way forever. I remember when I was in school watching the "cool" kids tease the "special" kids. It burned me up then and it burns me up now even more. All kids, typical or not, want acceptance. Our kids are not weirdos or dangerous. They're different. And most of them know they're different and they hate it, but most of them haven't figured out how to change it. Maybe an understanding and an acceptance from other parents like "you" would be a huge step.
Hi! I read your story and can totally relate to you and your family. Like you my daughter is autstic. She is in the 10th grade at the high school (even though they are no longer "graded" at this point) in an Career Connections class. I will say, that it gets much better in the high school, in my opinion. I do believe we need to teach the parents first. Some of the parents I have encountered don't even show my daughter the time of day. They pretend she is not even there. If this is how they act, how can we expect anything different from their children! My wish is that ALL children are accepted no matter what the issue!!! Thanks for your story.
ReplyDeleteHi Allison, thanks for the comment.
ReplyDeleteYour daughter is in the 10th grade but they're no longer graded? What does that mean? Once they go to a Career Connections program they're not graded anymore?
This is probably a whole other blog BUT.... we've been wondering about a careers program. We're hesitant because we want our daughter to get as much as an education as possible but we're starting to realize that a career program is most likely going to happen soon. Tell me all about this program & how you like it. Where do you live?
Tony, My heart goes out to you and your daughter. My son is bi polar and when he was in Middle School his teacher used to put him in "the snot circle", a chalk circle drawn on the board high enough that my son had to stand on his toes and put his nose in the middle of the circle. The special needs kids cried when they had to do this and dripped on the board, thus the "snot" circle. This went o for weeks befoe I found out and went to the principal. The teacher was transferred, but with no disciplinary action or anything on his record. Of course the other kids were cruel, laughing and calling the special ed bus the "tard cart". Both adults and kids need be educated to be more accepting and tolerant of our kids!
ReplyDeleteHi Tony- For children with more severe disabilities or as they move along and the CSE determines they may receive an IEP diploma, they become "ungraded". This may be based on the curriculum they are working on, their skill level or their need to be in school until age 21. Tony and Allison, I think your children are both role models that other children need to look up to instead of down upon. Being in that play was probably very challenging for her. And Allison, your daughter on the basketball team, remarkable. I ACTUALLY feel worse those those mean kids and their sad, hurtful hearts.
ReplyDeleteHi Tony! I live in Massapequa.
ReplyDelete