FISHNETS, JOBS, CANCER, MY WIFE and TAXES

Tony Walker

There's one topic I've been avoiding here at the Lounge. I've been avoiding it because it's not an easy thing to discuss. I'm the funny guy... the comedy guy.... I can't talk about serious, painful shit. But today something happened and I need to bitch.... I need to bitch real bad. I need to bitch about my cancer and my amputation.

I love reading other survivors' stories and sending them love and support. I make sure I send love and support to the families who lost a loved one to cancer. My super duper business partner lost her mother after a long cancer battle and I think about that a lot. I love talking to other people who have recently lost their leg and telling them they're going to get through it. But when it comes to my own story I get mad as I revisit the darkest time of my life. So obviously I am going to make this long story as short as I can. Just enough to justify my bitching fit.

In 2002 I was diagnosed with osteosarcoma, a bone cancer. The tumor was wrapped around the outside of my femur. In October of 2002 (Halloween week to be exact) I entered NYU for my first round of chemo. Every time I went there I had to stay there and get chemo drugs pumped into me for 5 days straight. I missed Halloween with my kids. My daughter was 3 and my son was a month away from turning 2. Just a few months prior we discovered our daughter was autistic so we our lives were crazy already. I did the chemo for 8 months. I lost all my hair, most of which never came back, and I lost 75 pounds, all of that came back unfortunately.... plus a little more! 

I had many surgeries to save the leg. The femur had to be removed. There were metal rods installed, bones from other parts of my body put in, and all sorts of foreign objects... I think some tree branches and chains too! I was on crutches for 3 freaking years and in pain all that time. My wife not only became a single mother because I couldn't do anything on crutches, she also became my nurse. So unfair.

Luckily I beat the cancer but that was the easy part. After 3 years of crutches, pain, and losing touch with my family, I demanded the leg be amputated. So in August 2005 we said goodbye to the right leg. I asked the doctor if he could do one of two things for me.... either keep the leg in one piece so I can stuff it & hang it on my wall, or take the skin from the leg and add it to my penis. The doctor didn't laugh. This is a true story... my wife will vouch for me.

In October 2005 I got my first prosthetic leg. I am the bionic man! I can walk again! I can do things with my kids again! I am not in pain! Life is good right? Wrong.

Throughout all this the wonderful human beings at my job screwed me every chance they got. Sorry folks but you will have a hard time convincing me that your employer cares about you should something like this happen. My employer screwed me out of tons of money, especially once I had the amputation. I asked for no special treatment and was given a 100% clearance by the doctors to go back to my job... but who wants a disabled liability around?

We lost thousands of dollars. We filed a lawsuit but that has been going on for 3 years now and who knows when it be finished. I was forced out from my job 3 years ago and haven't been paid a dime since. I started collecting Social Security but they don't pay what I was making at my job. My annual pay was cut in half!

So we had to get creative to make ends meet.... move money from one place to another, use credit cards, etc. My wife, who had dreams of being a semi stay at home mom and was working part time, was now working full time plus a ton of extra hours. This is why I need to bitch.

My wife makes a different amount of money every year. She is a pediatric physical therapist so it all depends on how heavy or light her case load was. So we've been getting screwed when we file our taxes for the past 2 years.

Last year we owed $6000 freakin dollars!!! This year we owe $6000 freakin dollars!!! So it's not enough that I don't make what I used to... it's not bad enough that my wife is working her ass off to support us and gets killed in taxes every year!!!

I'll admit that one part of my life I love is that I am doing what I was meant to do which is comedy. I wouldn't have gotten into it if I didn't lose my job. But trying to build a business from the ground up is tough when you have a wife, kids, and a house. I hope and hope that the lawsuit will come through so I can pay off all the debt and get back on track but in the meantime my wife is killing herself. I think subconsciously she resents me for where her life is and I don't blame her. I didn't do this on purpose but it's still not fair to her and I have a ton of guilt about that aspect of things.

So today we freaked out when we learned we owe $6000 just like we did last year. We have no idea how we're going to pay it.

This is why I needed to bitch real bad. Damn you cancer. Damn you big corporation who took my job and money from me and my family. Damn you Uncle Sam for taking our money every time we try to get ahead.

Thanks for letting me bitch. Hopefully getting this out of my system will allow me to tell some jokes again and hit on Boyle some more tomorrow.