Tony Walker
Since this is a "He Said She Said" column the first idea I had was to take Dawn Boyle's "When Is Valentine's Day This Year" post & go on about how wrong she is. Everyone loves Valentine's Day! Everyone wants to be romanticized! Everyone wants to spend the day with their lover! Am I right??? You know what? I am not right about this. The more I think about it, Boyle is so right.
When we were around 17 or 18 we were all getting our own cars for the first time & getting some serious boyfriends or girlfriends.... our social lives were the most important thing to us. Remember how creative we all got for Valentine's Day? A trip to the city or some expensive restaurant? We all thought we were so smart.... like the generation before us didn't come up with the same ideas right???
Now as we enter our forties, most of the people in my world who are around my age are all out of ideas & steam. We all have brats... I mean kids.... we all have bills piling up (especially if you're paying Long Island taxes)... we're all tired from work & shoveling snow.
(FYI, See yesterday's Hart's Desire for shake up on the snow shovelin'!!! HOT HOT HOT!!! http://delayedreactionlounge.blogspot.com/2011/02/baby-its-cold-outside-ms.html)
We are out of steam. Many couples I know are so tired after working all day, taking the kids to basketball or scouts or wherever, & taking care of all the other every day activities, they just agree to meet at 10:45 in the bedroom for a little Valentine's celebration. By 11:00 it's over & they're asleep. In my case by 10:46.But those few minutes in the bedroom are what it's all about anyway right? Sharing an intimate moment with your loved one was always what we were shooting for. So mission accomplished! So maybe Boyle is wrong after all....
I hope you had a Happy Valentines' Day!!
By the way.... if you still get creative for Valentine's Day like when we were in our twenties, comment about it here. We'd love to hear about it! Plus I need some new ideas.... Nothing like getting a jump on next year.
Dawn Boyle
I think you might be onto something here Tony, might be crack!
At 10:45 the ONLY thing I want to be doing is sleeping. Unless there is a fire or you just hit Lotto, don't even think about it!
The difference between me and you is that I would love to spend 10-15 minutes sharing an intimate moment with my loved one, but you guys just don't get it. Rolling over and asking me to "help you out" is not the most appealing way of showing your "love". Just my opinion :)
AND THEN SHE SAID
Barbara Ward- Finneran
Perhaps you are both missing the boat. But you must be hanging on the pier as your intentions are good and your feelings can be related to by many. That said, are "we" missing the point, it’s all about love. Instead expecting or planning grand gestures those energies might be better spent on a daily basis. The adage "you are about as happy as you choose make yourself" comes to mind. Love is NEVER about one day. If you aren’t fostering, celebrating, and enhancing your love and relationship daily then your boat’s going down. Key is, to figure out how to stay afloat in that sometimes amazingly beautiful and sometimes rocky harbor called marriage. How to do it day in and day out. It’s not about one day, it’s about EVERYDAY! Love in the little things. Being helpful, kind, thankful, warm, and (insert your own desired adjectives here) to the one you love. If that’s happening --- then the planning and or receiving of grand gestures loses some of the punch it packs. The pressure is off the planner and the expectation less likely to end in disappointment. If you "work" to dwell in a "happy love place", that one day is less important and the LOVE dominates. Isn’t that what it’s all about?!
And, MY TWO CENTS
Ms. Hart
........... keep it HOT & STEAMY and EVERYONE WINS!!!!
Dawn Boyle
I think you might be onto something here Tony, might be crack!
At 10:45 the ONLY thing I want to be doing is sleeping. Unless there is a fire or you just hit Lotto, don't even think about it!
The difference between me and you is that I would love to spend 10-15 minutes sharing an intimate moment with my loved one, but you guys just don't get it. Rolling over and asking me to "help you out" is not the most appealing way of showing your "love". Just my opinion :)
AND THEN SHE SAID
Barbara Ward- Finneran
Perhaps you are both missing the boat. But you must be hanging on the pier as your intentions are good and your feelings can be related to by many. That said, are "we" missing the point, it’s all about love. Instead expecting or planning grand gestures those energies might be better spent on a daily basis. The adage "you are about as happy as you choose make yourself" comes to mind. Love is NEVER about one day. If you aren’t fostering, celebrating, and enhancing your love and relationship daily then your boat’s going down. Key is, to figure out how to stay afloat in that sometimes amazingly beautiful and sometimes rocky harbor called marriage. How to do it day in and day out. It’s not about one day, it’s about EVERYDAY! Love in the little things. Being helpful, kind, thankful, warm, and (insert your own desired adjectives here) to the one you love. If that’s happening --- then the planning and or receiving of grand gestures loses some of the punch it packs. The pressure is off the planner and the expectation less likely to end in disappointment. If you "work" to dwell in a "happy love place", that one day is less important and the LOVE dominates. Isn’t that what it’s all about?!
And, MY TWO CENTS
Ms. Hart
........... keep it HOT & STEAMY and EVERYONE WINS!!!!
Dawn LUV your comeback to Tony. Yeah Tony that "so called" time in the bedroom. Probably could have happened sooner if there was more help with the kids homework or projects (don't get me started there..lol)or even getting the kiddos to sleep a little earlier. Maybe picking up the house a bit or even dare I say it fold and put away the laundry thats been sitting clean in the baskets from the night before but us women never got to because we needed to make sure backpacks and after-school activity bags were ready for Monday Morning craziness. Yes Valentines is a day of romance and for most men it seems thats it they only have to do that one day but us women we are to be ready to perform and so our luv to you guys 365 days so not fair.And so now the one day of the year has come and gone for you fellas now whats your next big move " Luck on Leprechauns Day!" Because you know us girls luved to me wooed! So men can't wait to see what you will have for ideas on that next BIG holiday.
ReplyDeleteTeam Dawn, Wake me up and I come out swinging!!
ReplyDeletePatty...I think I might start a page on this blog for men...I will call it, How To Get Action When You Are Married & 40 (something)....I can give a daily todo list of things men can do to actually make us want those 3 glorious minutes :)
ReplyDeleteDawn,
ReplyDeleteLuv the idea for the men. That would be a cute little
"Here Honey catch a Clue" thing that one might accidentally leave on the seat of his car or in places where they spend most of the time hiding from the world (hint: it makes a flush sound..lol)
"Foreplay 101"
ReplyDeleteHas now been defined.....
Who's paying attention?!?!
I am thinking about making up t-shirts!
ReplyDeleteIt's true...MOMMA IS GONNA KNOCK YOU OUT!
To me it is common sense, HELP ME & I WILL HELP YOU!!! Not sure if I could scream that any louder :)
At the risk of sounding like I'm defending the men on this one I think it all boils down to the Mars-Venus thing. Men will do what we want them to do but we have to tell them. They lack the imagination and creativity that we have. They can't read our minds as we'd like them to be able to and most of think in the moment. Almost everything to them is black and white. If it's broke they fix it but 99% of the time unless it has wheels or involves the remote control they aren't even aware it's broken. If we want intimacy then we need to tell them that, if they don't catch the first tme then we need to tell them again and probably again and again and again. Trust me, when they've resorted to watching cable channels that they have to pay extra for they'll get it and if they still don't, then it's te to hire a pool boy ;-)
ReplyDeleteAmen Rose Marie! I haven't read the Mars and Venus book, but my (a little more than) 40 something years have taught me that men need sex to feel meaningful love and women need to feel love to have meaningful sex. It's just the way we are wired. The key is to keep up a constant loving relationship in and out of the bedroom , as Barb said, on a daily basis. Never give up date night,texting "love you" randomly,leaving a rose on her pillow,stuffing a card in his briefcase on occasion. These little things keep each partner feeling loved and cared for! Isn't that what it's about?
ReplyDeleteOkay...let's start with clipping the toe nails.
ReplyDeleteEveryone falls into a rut, at least once in their relationship. It takes TWO to make things not go stale. Why is it so hard to get men to do the simple things? A little bit goes a LONG way - a least in my book! Rose Marie & Marion I welcome you on behalf of DLR....keep the comments coming!! WE LOVE THEM!
Dawn...... it's only day 2, perhaps we should reserve the toenail type stories later on..... LOL! :)
ReplyDeleteMy "He Said She Said" article did not exactly fit the title but all the comments certainly have covered the "She Said" portion.
ReplyDeleteSo here comes the "He Said:"
Dawn, neither the guy or the girl should be asking for "help." Both of them knows what the other likes. On Valentine's Day both should be willing to help each other out.
Barbara, I have nothing to add to your comment. What you wrote was right on the money.
Now for the rest of the comments... I would LOVE to hear what your husbands/boyfriends have to say to this. This guy helps with laundry, cooking, beating... I mean disciplining the brats, & even sends the occasional "I Love You" text & I still get the "I need help around here" speech once in a while! I will be the first to admit I will do anything for the lovin but sometimes I feel us men are working too hard for it. I will be the first to read Dawn's "How To Get Action" blog because I could use some pointers!!!
Tony....sounds like you need to rally up the guys!
ReplyDeleteI think it is wonderful that you are a PARTNER in your marriage, but gotta tell ya - it's not the norm! I would say almost all of my friends would agree that their husbands are not as hands on as you. My husband installed our dishwasher but for some reason can't seem to find it each time he uses a glass or plate! Makes me CRAZY!
The men I am closest to:
ReplyDeleteTake their kids to their after school activities
Cook meals
Help with laundry
Discipline their kids
Who are these guys you married?
really???? This is shocking to me!
ReplyDelete@ dropdeadcomedy:
ReplyDeleteare any of your friends like this single?? Sign me up for an introduction!! :)
Great post however I was wondering if you could write a litte more on this topic? I’d be very grateful if you could elaborate a little bit further. Cheers!
ReplyDelete