She Said... Barbara Ward-Finneran

Barbara Ward-Finneran

Tony gave his He Said, Dawn gave her She Said... here's my two cents.

I'm lucky to have someone who pitches in and shares the chores.  That said, I do think it's human nature to like things done a certain way, especially with jobs and responsibilities that are more like habits that run a muck.  It can absolutely create a power struggle within a household.

Before kids it was so much easier.  Simply, there was not as much to do and less to recover.  Things stayed done longer.  Initially after we had kids Steve and  I did "co-parenting", working opposite shifts and hours, so one of us was almost always with our boys.  Terrific for the kids.  Challenging for us.  Divide and conquer, took on a whole new meaning based on who was home when, and what needed immediate attention.  When they are little, (especially two "babies" in two years) it's life on overdrive!  Necessities first and amazingly what is acceptably "clean & tidy" changes.  Immaculate becomes a thing of the past.

Summer would bring a shift in powers as I was able to be "home" full time, fall brought the power struggle again, Steve would scale back daytime hours to be with our little ones. Each of us having the way "we liked things done". The one "home" the majority of the time tended to win.  Or we'd re-do quietly to make things work in the other's absence.

Since co-parenting cut in on our time together, so often passing the kids off between jobs - mentioning the "wrong way something was done" - didn't happen.  We often wrote notes to each other to catch up - and, it'd seem petty to comment on wrongly done "chores".  Compromise happened.  Silently.  At times begrudgingly - but it happened.  Lessons were learned.  I did come to accept that other dishwasher filling styles could be effective.  After much convincing and few loads of pink laundry the beauty of color separation was realized.  With humor and concession comes understanding.  Sometimes even "rules" or new chains of thought.  Thankful that it was away, I'd ask myself... "If I was, Steve, where would I put the cheese grater?"  As for "rules" - As long as my work clothes don't get touched or mixed in with "his" style of laundry sorting, I will not complain about towel folding or mixed up clothing in the wrong dressers.  And, now a days, after a complete body transformation - it's even fun to find my "missing" jeans in the kids dresser!  Always find the glass half full!

A husband who does laundry (and lots more) and thinks my clothes are the kid's racks up the KUDOS from me!