In my "He Said" posts I am always asking you sexy ladies out there about why you do certain things. Women are mysterious but I love them so much!
But now I have a question for men... well not all men.... certain men. Men who leave their families.
Not men who get divorced & have part time custody of their kids. That's just a divorce with custody split between the parents. Both parents are still involved in their kids' lives.
I'm talking about the men who leave not just the wife, but the kids too. We all know men like this.
I am a victim of this. My father split when my mother was pregnant with me. He immediately moved to California while I grew up in NY. I met him once. He died in 1980.
Lately I've been thinking about this... not my story in particular.... but just about men who leave their families behind. Very recently one of my closest friends had a bad situation at his home. He is married & his wife has 2 kids in their twenties from her first marriage. When her & her first hubby split, hubby took off & lost touch with the kids too. This was only about 6 or 7 years ago. The kids weren't little but they're so sad about losing touch with daddy that the son went crazy at home a few weeks ago. The cops were called & this poor kid spent a week in the mental ward. I know another guy who recently split from his wife. He worked weekends so his time with his kids was very limited. Now that he is "free" he is off on weekends! A few years back I received a phone call from a girl I know. Her & her hubby were fighting so bad she wanted me to come help. When I got there I realized they were fighting because she wanted to split up but had no place to go so she was going to leave the kids with hubby until she figured something out. Hubby was freaking out not because his marriage was over.... he was freaking because he didn't want the kids!!!
Fellas!!! What the hell are you thinking?? How can you just leave your kids behind?? As an adult I realize that my father was a major dipshit & actually did me a favor by leaving but that's another blog. While I enjoyed my childhood I do remember those times where I had to find a "daddy" for father & son events.
When I was sick with cancer I lost a lot of time with my kids. Then I was on crutches for 3 years from the cancer so I lost more time with the kids. I've been crutch free for 6 years now but I still feel like I haven't made that time up. Maybe I am biased on this subject based on my experience, but I can't imagine so much time away from my kids.
Anyone wanna chime in on this? Maybe tell us your experience with someone who left their family behind? Is there anyone out there who actually did that because of legal reasons or something? I'd like to hear reasons why someone could do that because I don't get it.
My father didn't leave, my mother did, when I was three. She picked up and moved to Arizona and we barely had any contact with her. I never really got the full story as to why - let me rephrase that -I got a story, but I don't believe it. I asked when I was in my twenties and was told that she went out there to get a job and was going to come back and get us when she was settled. I think the real story is that she followed a guy. As a mother who carried my babies in my womb, went through the birthing process and am the primary one who takes care of them, I could never imagine just leaving them behind. Those parents who leave are missing out on one of the greatest gifts they were ever given and it's really sad that they don't think of it that way.
ReplyDeleteI couldn't even imagine how a parent can walk out of their child's lives. Just this week found out about a friends soon to be ex from whom "she" separated from last year now has a new baby with his new girlfriend. Meanwhile he's not even divorced yet and left behind two might I add amazing teenage girls. Not seeing them once all year or paying any childsupport. My friend is devastated. Not because he's moved on , buy for her teenage girls. How does "she" now pick up his mess and explain "his" mess to these amazing girls that she's worked so hard on keeping emotionally secure this year without their father. To have to noe explain btw daddy n I aren't divorced yet but he fathered a child with another woman and you have a 1/2 sibling out there. Tell them this in their teenage age years without emotionally scarring them. I don't think most men "get it"!!!! But I guess that's why he created women. Someone has to keep it together !!!! Lol.
ReplyDeleteNot the same as everrrr totally abandoning your family, but this brings up a question of is it better to stay ?! As the wife of a Husband who was sometimes there physically, rarely mentally, is it better to suck it up and deal with being unhappy for the next 20 years ??? Being stressed and unhappy ends up affecting every facet of your life including your children. Choosing to divorce my husband has made me a happier much less stressed person. I am a happier mother to my children. Realize now that the stress and resentment I had toward my husband sometimes being here did affect the tone in our home. Choosing to leave has in ways "made" my husband be a better father. He now had no choice but to spend time with them which he never would have before. He now is creating memories with them and being somewhat of a father he never woukd have been. I just find it sad that sometimes people don't realize what they have when it's right in front of their face the entire time until it's too late. Even through the single mom by choice struggles I wouldn't change my choice. Our home and my kids seem much happier. The genuine laughter and happiness is back in our home.
ReplyDeleteNow if I can just get some child support from him, it will be really nice !! He's yet to realize that he has any financial responsibility ! Oh well. I'd rather be broke and happy with happy children, than comfortable with a missing spouse/father! Lolol.
The Anonymous who asks, "Is it better to stay" raises some good points but that is a different topic altogether. My original post was not about whether you stay or not, it's what the parents do once they split.
ReplyDeleteAs a child of divorced parents & going through my own divorce, by no means am I saying stay. I am not a believer in staying together for the children's sake. Then all the children see are 2 cold parents who show no affection & think that's how it's supposed to be.
My post was about parents who don't stay together & one of them has no contact with their kids. If the parents can't stand each other that's one thing. But to disappear from your kids' lives is something I don't understand.
I have the luxury of Dot and Tom still being together and my marriage intact as well. I am not sure how a person can leave their child. I know sometimes people have issues and there is no other way, but escape either pain or suffering at the hands of themselves or others. I am sure the anguish inside must be unbarable to have to leave a child.
ReplyDeleteAs Dawn said - it must be an anguish one can only understand if they have" had" to live it.
ReplyDeleteI cannot fathom leaving your children or not being present to them. There just aren't words for me to even wrap around thoughts like that - I find it incomprehensible.