Tony Walker
In 1997 I got divorced. As much as I thought it was the right move, I was terrified. Growing up in a very strict Catholic household, divorce was forbidden. So I was worried about God & the Church. I also worried about the reactions of her family, my family, our friends, my finances, etc. Since I was with my wife since the age of 19 what scared me more than anything else was how I was going to start over. As much as I knew the marriage was over I still didn't really want to start over.
It was weird for a while. My ex & I shared the house for 6 months as the divorce was being processed so we saw each other all the time & tried to be friendly but it was awkward. Even after she moved out we talked often. I even went to her apartment a few times to fix her phone.
Before I knew it life had moved on, I had most of the same friends, my family eventually accepted the divorce, & all was well. I had a new life. All my fears were unfounded & life was good.
The one thing that surprised me the most & still does to this day is how a couple can love each other so much that they wanna spend their whole lives together, then getting to the point where they want nothing to do with each other. Many couples end up hating each other. My ex & I don't hate each other but when I do talk with her, which isn't much, we both have a hard time finding something to say. We don't even know each other anymore which also amazes me. We didn't have kids so there is no reason to talk but I still can't believe that we are so far removed from each other that we can't even hold a conversation. It blows me away that I haven't seen her since 2006.
But she has her own house now, a new man, & seems happy. I know I am happy with a wife who puts up with my chaotic ways, two wonderful brats, one dog, & one leg.
I'm curious to hear your thoughts on why you think a couple can go from one extreme to another. I'd also like to hear your stories about surviving divorce.
They say two people can fall in and out of love.....I am glad you are happy now.....forget the past and look ahead sounds like you have a bright future awaiting you!
ReplyDeleteHere goes . I married a guy .. That I loved so much that I did everything for him.. ALWAYS . In that I set aside myself .. My passions and my love of the outdoors that he did not share .. In the end when something happened betweens us .. A light went off in my head .. One that I can't turn back on ... For my kids .. I wish I could .. I know I have this new found feeling that I want things different for myself .. I want to meet someone that loves the water ..Can sit on a beach for hours .. I may never meet him or I gave up trying .. I am looking inside myself to grow and find my own happiness . All relationships are different .. But seeing my ex reminds me in myself of what I want different .. Not seeing him let's me grow .. People change and it is hard to stay friends sometimes especially if you have new significant others !!!
ReplyDeleteThanks Anonymous & well said Jennifer.
ReplyDeleteBelieve me I don't lose sleep over my ex & I not really being friends anymore.
Like you, I did not like the person I became from trying to please her... I am not blaming her for who I became but when I realized who & what I wanted to be she didn't support me at all.... the sense of freedom I got once I realized the second chance I was getting was enormous.
Five years ago I bumped into my ex's parents. As I was talking to them I realized that I went right back to that person I was back then. So I excused myself & walked away. I couldn't believe it.
Yes it is hard when to stay friends when you have significant others. But finding these significant others is a sign that the divorce was the right thing to do.
Yes they do say that people can fall in & out of love. That amazes me for some reason.
Divorce is sometimes the only choice...cheers to Tony being Tony :)
ReplyDeleteBest thing that happened to my marriage is our friends getting divorced. Put focus on what we both wanted and fostered communication - both in and out of the bedroom.
ReplyDeleteI am lucky to be a second wife. I didn't know my husband that well during his first marriage, but from the stories I have heard - I'm lucky. His first wife was no prize, but he also had a lot of growing up left to do. I am grateful for the lessons he learned the first time around, it made him a better husband.
ReplyDeleteIn every relationship we learn things. Some lessons are harder than others, but if we are true to ourselves even the hardest times can lead to a happier future.