Sunday, March 13, 2011
Marion Pellicano Ambrose
A friend of mine just posted “I thank God for unanswered prayers” on her status and it
made me think. I’ve had so many instances where I was disappointed in God for ignoring
me only to find out that what I asked for would have been the worst thing that could have
happened, or would have caused me to miss out on something wonderful. So why do I
still fail to accept His “no” for an answer sometimes?
I understand “no” to winning the lottery, that’s just a selfish pipedream (even though
I’d love to use it to help so many people!), and “no” to looking like a supermodel (it
wouldn’t be fair for me to get that way without hard work and willpower), and I even
understand “no” for having perfect health and energy level ( I haven’t lived a healthy
enough lifestyle to deserve both) , but what I have the hardest time understanding is “no”
to being able to “fix” things through determination and hard work.
I’m not talking about broken chairs or cars; I’m talking about life issues. Why can’t I fix
it when my daughter is overwhelmed or depressed at college? When my son has to fight
for the benefits he deserves? When my husband is frustrated with his job? Or even when
my fellow teachers are treated badly or abused at school? Somehow I feel responsible to
DO something to make everyone feel better and solve their problems. For a long time, it
seemed I was able to at least help with these things, but as I get older, it seems the “fight”
has gone out of me. I used to charge into battle for causes, and most often came out
victorious. Now I can’t even get up the “umph” to sound the charge! What’s happened to
me? I think I know. It’s called “being humbled”.
I’ve spent much of my life in positions of authority. In school I was “president”
or “Editor” of my activities. I chaired committees and became an administrator at my
school. I worked long and hard and felt good about changes I’d brought about. But time
taught me a hard lesson. I became disabled and had to leave my job. It was then I saw
that I hadn’t brought about permanent change. I made improvements that lasted as long
as I was there to supervise, implement, and put in hours of work to support, but as soon
as I was gone, one by one I saw my “changes” fade away. It broke my heart but it made
me realize that one person can’t change things without others who are willing to “keep
the fire burning”.( And I must say that I’ve always known that even temporary changes
wouldn’t have happened without the support and labors of others who worked with me.)
And then, I finally opened myself to the possibility that I don’t need to be the one
in charge. Even though my particular changes didn’t last, there are others bringing
about different improvements and ideas. My family has become more independent and
stronger! Other teachers are implementing new techniques and ideas that I am so proud of
them for! So many people with positive energy are making a difference, even if it’s just
for today. Tomorrow, another group will come along with their own vision.
And so, even though I’ve been humbled (rightly so), I rejoice in finding new challenges
in my life. I’m writing more, teaching myself to sew, reading, baking and spending more
time with my family. I stay in touch at school by volunteering when I’m well enough.
I’ve reconnected with friends and am slowly getting my “umph” back. I think my friend
was right; I thank God for unanswered prayers. His “no” has filled my life with new
possibilities, and that’s a true blessing!
Posted by Delayed Reaction Lounge at 11:36 AM